This new flick “Cloverfield” is getting a lot of buzz at the moment. Not because it looks fairly unoriginal to be kept so secretive, but because no one knows exactly what the monster attacking NYC is. There’s been a ton of speculation, anything from a space creature to an enormous grizzly bear. Here are our best guesses at what seems plausible.

A Giant Radioactive Hillary Clinton

The idea is almost too fucking scary to type. Just imagine the carnage. She’s already conquered New Hampshire. Your city is next.

Kim Kardashian’s Ass

Demolishing streets and buildings with every swing of the hips. The most likely to be seriously injured are underachieving black athletes.

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

With the recent success uninspired attempts at reviving 80’s entertainment (”American Gladiators”, “Bionic Woman”, and the soon-to-be canceled “Knight Rider”), it’s only fitting that Mr. Stay Puft gets his second chance at glory.

Emmanuel Lewis

Webster is coming to fucking destroy your city…and maybe eat your relatives. You have no say in it.

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