Punch In The Face Friday: Will Smith
January 11th, 2008 by NextRound
We had really hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Having to dedicate PITFF to a guy who singlehandedly made movies like “Independence Day” and “Men In Black” not as fucking terrible as they should have been.
But it’s finally official (for the most part, if you consider presumptions from the Daily News official): Will Smith hates himself and is going through with his master plan to sabotage his wildly successful career.
Will is a Scientologist.
Gasp! We know.
We’ve seen this coming for quite awhile, but regardless, it’s still pretty much like the time we walked in on our dad watching porn. We kind of figured he did it, but life would have been better had we just not known.
The only real question anyone can ask at this juncture is: What the fuck is Big Willy be thinking? It’s like he made a checklist of everything he has going for him (”Will is A) Likeable, B) Genuine, C) Non-controversial; Will has a good sense of humor and would take his kids to the doctor if they got sick”) and then scavengered the earth for the one move that would devastate all those positive traits in a single blow.
BAM! Mutha Fuckin’ SCIENTOLOGY!
Our favorite part of the the Daily News piece–where they break the story that Will is probably a practicing weirdo since his closing gift to everyone on his last film was a Free Personality Test!–is his quotes on the “religion”:
“…he told ‘Access Hollywood’ last month: ‘I was introduced to it by Tom, and I’m a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.’”
That makes sense. It’s kind of like how our intentions when we hit on chicks at bars at 2 AM are 98% the same as their intentions. The 2% disparity is where they want to go home alone and where we think they should consider giving anal a try.
But we digress…
Will. Buddy. We hate what you’re doing to yourself. We wish we could sway your thinking. There’s still time to turn back. Because things are only going to get weird for you here on out. You’re staring down a future of disappointing box office totals, fans discussing what went wrong with you, loss of professional credibility, blog posts dedicated to outlining your insanity, and instances like the one in the below video. Way to think it through.
[Source: Daily News]
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“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s weekly expose on shitty people. Click here to check out the PITFF archives.
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