When you stay at the Mandalay Bay and it’s hosting the AVN awards you automatically assume every chick there is somehow associated with the porn industry, regardless of whether their appearance merits it or not.

Realizing your cab driver is watching porn from a portable DVD player in the passenger seat is uncomfortable on several different levels.

Spending half a G on a bottle of Grey Goose in order to get “free” mixers and a spot in the back room of a strip club doesn’t seem like such a bargain the next morning.

Porn stars and NFL running backs share a lot of similarities. Both have a shelf life of roughly five years and both become sad, run-down versions of themselves if they try to stay in the game any longer.

Thirty year-old dudes suffering from male pattern baldness have an uncanny ability to follow up any point roll directly with a seven.

Marcus Pollard and Patrick Crayton clearly hate sports gamblers everywhere and wanted to teach us all a lesson this weekend. There’s no way two people that get paid to catch footballs can possibly be that bad at it.

You and your friends’ plan to pretend you work in the porn industry is a way better idea prior to implementation.

Eli Manning is officially having his Billy Baldwin moment.

One of the top five benefits of Pacific time is oversleeping loser bets. Halftime wagers are another story.

It’s really unfortunate that Philip Rivers didn’t take a D battery to the head on Sunday.

Attempting to convince your friends that you and a stripper have been “talking for a couple of days” is a bad idea.

Lighting your fingers on fire while drinking Sambuca is way fucking hotter than people make it out to be.

Even after all these years it’s still just a game to Brett Favre!

It always pays to be friends with someone who gambles an ill-advised amount of money.

Bouncers at strip clubs can be really fucking adamant that your buddies pay the dancers what they owe them. Really fucking adamant.

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