Yes, it’s come to this. We’ve been as tolerant as we’re capable of (which, admittedly, isn’t very tolerant). The Super Bowl’s here and it’s time for us to deliver a wakeup frying pan to the face of the NFL’s most frustrating player before the season is officially over.

From his disappointing play to the Saints’ disappointing season to his disappointing choice in female companionship, Reggie Bush–to put it lightly–has been a big fucking disappointment. We can’t stress that enough.

And the most discouraging part is that there’s no way it’s getting better. Reggie’s nauseating fascination with celebrity has a death grip on him and isn’t letting go anytime soon. Sure, he’s probably in Phoenix right now, pretending to like football, throwing back a few Subway Clubs with Jared as part of his endorsement contract, when really he’s just super stoked to have the media swarm him as he’s carting around his famous monster titted girlfriend.

It’s a shame, really. We were once enamored with Reggie. But it’s like the dude has been walking around with a checklist of things to accomplish to cement his path to bustdome and earn himself a premature punch in the face. The checklist probably looks something like this:

• Date worn down goat-faced hooker because she has a reality show when I could be pummeling all kinds of hot white chick tail. CHECK.

• Get in trouble for taking 300K from an agent in college when nothing below seven figures was even worth my time. Shit, you can’t even buy a decent watch for 300K. CHECK.

• Inspire funny photoshop job after taunting the Bears in the playoffs and then losing to them. CHECK.

• Show up in Ciara’s music video when should be practicing hitting a hole with authority. CHECK.

• Thoroughly sodomize hundreds of thousands of fantasy teams that take me in the first round. CHECK.

• Make an appearance at Sundance with Goatface when I have no interest in independent films or skiing. CHECK.

• Use the media to paint a picture of me as a philanthropist in New Orleans when really spending as little time in that hellhole as possible. CHECK.

(Please ignore the sci-fi geek undertones, but…)

Does anyone else feel like we have an Anakin Skywalker situation on our hands here? Reggie is Anakin, Football is the force, CELEBRITY is the dark side, and Kim Kardashian is the dark lord. The whole thing climaxing with another losing season, a continued lack of tourism in New Orleans, and Drew Brees screaming “BUT YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!” after Bush is tackled behind the line of scrimmage for a loss.

Or maybe good judgment is the force and Matt Leinart is the dark lord. Either way, you get the idea. Tragic.

Side Note: Sheldon Brown kind of already delivered the proverbial punch in the face Reggie’s been asking for earlier this season. Ouch.

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Sylvester Stallone
• Philip Rivers
• Will Smith
• Cisco Adler
• Riley Giles

“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s weekly expose on shitty people. Click here to check out the PITFF archives.

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