Your Sequence Of Thoughts After The Plaxico Touchdown
February 4th, 2008 by NextRound
The average guy’s sequence of thoughts as he watched the Giants pull away in one of the most entertaining Super Bowls of all time.
Who The Fuck Is Eli Manning? Poise? Moxy? Confidence-inspiring facial expressions? SUPER BOWL CHAMPION? What year is it? Why do I feel so disoriented? Where’s my kidney?
18-1 Couldn’t Happen to a Nicer Guy Than Belichick. That record is going to be like a funny case of herpes for Billy B. He’ll never be able to shake it.
David Tyree’s Helmet Should Win MVP. That thing must be crafted from moon rock. It’s magical.
Stetson Ads + Bastard Children + Brazilian Models = A Little Bad Karma.
18-1 Couldn’t Happen To a Nicer Guy Than Junior Seau. Sixty year-old professional football players that give disingenuous retirement speeches and rock “Grease: The Musical” hairstyles should never see the winning side of a Super Bowl.
The Giants’ D-Line Is AWESOME. Not only do they poop on chicks and take naked pictures of their wives’ sisters (both equally bad ass), they totally come to play in the Super Bowl.
Should Not Have Told My Coworkers I’d Bet My Anal Virginity on the Over. May hear about that one tomorrow morning.
Shockey’s Bald Eagle Tattoo Was Officially the Thing Holding Eli Back.
Joe Buck Is On the Take. That penis-resembling son of a bitch has done everything in his power to avoid saying Peyton Manning’s name 6 times. Investigation is warranted.
The Charles Barkley T-Mobile Ad Is the Only Super Bowl XLII Commercial I Ever Want to See Again. “Do you like popsicles?”
Mercury Morris Can Eat A Dong.
18-1 Couldn’t Happen to a Nicer Town Than Boston. God never intended for the baseball, football, chowder, and bad accent world championships to all reside in one metropolitan area.
Jersey’s Finest Must Be Ecstatic. Free skeeball and eyeliner all around!
The “19-0″ Patent Seems a Little Overzealous for T-Shirts That Will Only Be Worn in Zimbabwe.
Seriously, Who the Fuck Is Eli Manning? Say it with me: Never again will I doubt the raw power of Bama Bangs and bad posture. Never. Again.
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