You’ve probably gotten a whiff of the story about the Nevada high school kid who committed to play football at Cal even though the school had never heard of him. When the story broke Kevin Hart claimed he was duped by a con artist and garnered a lot of media attention.

But last night–in a crazy turn of events–Hart confessed too engineering the whole sham himself. Why? We’re not sure. Must be that guilty conscience thing that chicks we cheat on keep telling us about.

So in honor of the Kevin Hart Conspiracy, here are the Top 5 Reasons the Kid from Nevada Faked It All:

5) Always Wanted to Hold a Press Conference

Kevin Hart thinks press conferences are totally boss. So much power, glory, and prestige at your fingertips. Kevin’s been simulating his own press conference in his garage every weekend for the past four years. You can imagine how devastated he was to find out he’s not physically talented enough to warrant one.

So he faked it. AND THEN ALL HAD TO LISTEN TO EVERY GD WORD KEVIN HART HAD TO SAY!

4) Hoping to Slip Through the Cracks

Hart hoped to follow in the footsteps of that dude in your fraternity who wore jean shorts. He figured if he enrolled to Cal and just kept showing up at practice it would all shake out. Sure, people might wonder how or why he was there, but they would just assume someone fucked up and invited him.

Of course, Kevin didn’t realize that–whether it’s Cal being alerted by the media or the dude in jean shorts touching girls with his penis at a party–the truth always surfaces.

3) To Drum Up Some Kevin Hart Buzz

Any press is good press, right? All these media outlets spelled Kevin Hart with one “t”, right? Some school has to start wondering if there isn’t something to the Kevin Hart Phenomenon, right?

2) The Universal Motivator: To Get Laid

The way Kevin figured it this scam was going to get him laid one way or another (possibly multiple times). He was going to end up being one of three guys by the time it all played out. And there are chicks that want to bang any of the three new versions.

“The Division I Football Player” has no problem getting laid. “The Wounded Kid” that got duped by a con man always finds his way to a sympathy boning. And “The Scheming Sociopath” is a bad boy, and there are all kinds of crazy chicks that want to hump the bad boy.

Under any of the three scenarios, things were coming up Kevin Hart.

1) Kevin Hart Thinks He’s Kaiser Soze

You have to admit, the equal parts of moxy, insanity, and manipulation skills required to pull off a hoax of this scale are pretty fucking impressive. Hart faked calls from recruiters of several schools. He regularly pretended to be speaking with Cal’s head coach, Jeff Tedford. He drew up his own papers, staged his own press conference, and paid hookers to show up at his friend’s party courtesy of the Oregon Athletic Department (rumored).

Are we the only ones that kind of eerily respect this dude? If it wasn’t for the traction this story got on the blogosphere he may have pulled it off.

Kevin Hart and Verbal Kent even sound alike. Trippy.

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