The Cleveland Plain Dealer (the most awesomely named paper ever) reported this morning that a man in Columbus, Ohio made a 911 call around 2:30 AM New Year’s Day because Brady Quinn and his friends were screaming gay slurs and trying to fight him.

This story is going to be everywhere shortly, and we don’t feel like typing excessive amounts, so here are the details you need to know:

Brady Quinn, and friends, New Year’s night, Columbus, Ohio, a Mexican joint called La Fogata Grille, too many SoCo & Lime shots, in the parking lot because it took so long to split up the tab, verbal altercation starts with gay dudes, gay dudes get concerned for safety, call cops, some people arrested, Quinn not arrested, Quinn may have called someone a “faggot”, everyone goes home.

That’s about as close as we’re ever going to get to reporting. Now what we’re good at, the commentary.

Questions That Must Be Asked:

Why the fuck did Brady Quinn spend New Year’s in Columbus, Ohio?

Are we sure Brady wasn’t just being playful with another cute dude? Have you seen the guy on stage with Poison? Or at his sister’s wedding reception? Or in an interview? You do the math.

Does La Fogata Grille seem like an ironic place for all this to go down to anyone else?

How bullshit would you be if you knew you were spending New Year’s with a first round NFL quarterback and you ended up splitting a tab at a Mexican restaurant?

What kind of high security containment facility is the La Fogata Grille parking lot that so many people were scared for their safety? Do sidewalks or cabs or cars or any other medium for escaping a parking lot not exist in Columbus?

Over/Under on how many times “Do you know who you’re talking to?” was dropped during the altercation? 10? 20?

Stay tuned for the next chapter of the Brady Quinn Chronicles…

[Sources: The Big Lead, Cleveland Plain Dealer]

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