Getting out of bed before noon sucks. Reasons?

1) The Alarm Clock

The alarm clock went off and I was still exhausted. My head hurt. I had the most relentless morning rager in history. It sucked. I spent five minutes easing it down. From there I dragged myself out of bed to the shower. I shivered the entire way.

2) Traffic

The only traffic I’m accustomed to is of the midday Taco Bell drive-thru variety. When you’re on the road at 8AM you have to deal with a bunch of jackasses on their cell phones, doing their makeup, or reading the fucking paper. It’s far too early to put up with that sort of bullshit.

3) Mike & Mike in the Morning

I don’t know what sort of radio you listen to, but I’m a sports talk guy. When I’m in the car I pretty much listen to ESPN Radio no matter the time of day. But I must say, Mike & Mike sucks balls. Their whole shtick is that Mike Golic played pro football and Mike Greenberg is a pussy. I get it. It still sucks.

First off, Golic. I question whether Mike Golic ever actually played pro football, because I’m a pretty big sports fan, and I don’t remember a down he was in on. The only Golic I remember was the RA on “Saved by the Bell: The College Years”. I’d listen to his radio show.

Second, Greenberg. I don’t want to hear some guy who makes jokes about cutting back on carbs break down the NFL playoffs. It’s like when that female announcer does play-by-play for the noon college football game on ESPN2. It just feels wrong all around.

4) Doing Something Productive

The reason I was awake before noon was another job interview. So I actually had to “be professional”, i.e. act super fake and pretend I was really excited about working for some shmuck who can’t even name the first pick of last year’s draft because he’s married with two kids and relinquished his sack to his wife somewhere around 1987.

Needless to say by 9:30 I was in a shit mood. The interview finally ended, and all I could think about was getting back in bed. But then things started to come up Booth…

On the drive home I saw the most glorious thing I’ve seen to date in 2008: The Golden Arches. It was only 9:45. I still had time for McDonald’s breakfast: the one thing on the planet worth getting up before noon for. I know all you early risers out there can’t eat McDonald’s every morning because it would turn you into a massive, sloppy pile of dogshit, but for those of us midday risers, it’s a once or maybe twice a year holiday.

And I must say it was awesome.

Previous Happily Hungover:

• Booth Goes on an Interview
• Saturday Running Diary
• What Monday Is Like
• How to Race a Racehorse
• The Nicknames

“Happily Hungover” is Booth’s column chronicling the life and times of NextRound’s Marketing Director/Resident Couch Dweller.

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