There’s courtesy and then there’s buffoonery. Holding your office building door open for a line of thirty people and smiling and nodding politely as they each pass falls in the latter category.

You know the guy in your office we’re talking about. If you’re next to him in the urinal he’s propping the bathroom door open for you as you finish washing your hands. If a group of guys are in the elevator after a long lunch he dramatically exits, puts his arm over the elevator door, and shepherds you each out like you’re a pack of GD second graders.

And god forbid you witness this guy around any sort of entranceway and a pack of women at the same time. Because the pleasure he gets out of putting on his chivalry cap and holding the door for them is nauseating. He’s got a bunch of lame one-liners stowed away for just the very occasion. And they all look at him like he just slew a dragon for them. You’re pretty sure he gets an erection. You do your best not to punch something.

Yeah, you know the guy. He sucks.

Does he think the door holder routine is going to get him laid or something? Is he on the building management payroll? Hasn’t he heard of affirmative action? “Hey asshole, those chicks are considered our workplace equals and are allowed to join country clubs; think they can handle the door. It’s made of aluminum, not redwood.”

And because of this dude’s lameassery, every time you find yourself holding the door for someone–even when appropriate–you can’t help but feel like a massive tool. So now you make a point not to hold the door for any-fucking-body except that 22 year-old admin who you do think might actually have sex with you. This leads to your co-workers deciding that you’re even more of a dickhead than they originally assumed.

But at least you can sleep at night. And so are the risks of maintaining a cool and tough lifestyle.

“People That Suck” is NextRound’s outline of generic people that make us angry on a daily basis.

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