Hump Day: Abigail Clancy

February 27th, 2008 by NextRound in Hump Day, Lady Friends

Abigail Clancy 1

We can be a little slow on the uptake in general (hence us just throwing out our tapered jeans), so when it comes to picking up on happenings from across the pond we’re well behind the curve.

And that’s why we’ve just become aware of the lovely Abigail Clancy. She’s a British model/actress/singer. Translated that means she’s talentless but really fucking hot so people keep telling her she’s good at a bunch of different things. It’s a common formula employed by chicks that you’d trade years of your life to nail. It’s how the world works and we’re more than OK with.

Abigail is also a minor celebrity in the UK (somewhere between Noel Gallagher and the Queen) for dating British soccer player Peter Crouch and being known as a bit of a partier. She’s commonly referred to as a “WAG”, which is tea talk for “Wives And Girlfriends” of English soccer (football) players. Not a bad group to be a part of seeing that it’s pretty much the Alpha Alpha class of British chicks. And by Alpha Alpha, we’re referring to how they look in a two-piece, not brains, or athletic ability, or anything dull like that.

Abigail Clancy’s Hump Day Bio

Age: 22. When you factor in number of pints and questionable British hygeine, she’s pretty much 26 by American standards.

Where You May Have Seen Abigail:

Not many places in the States outside of magazine stands. She’s graced the covers of several publications often referred to as “Playboy without the nipples”.

Britain’s version of “Next Top Model”, which she didn’t win, but came in runner-up to some bony chick. Tyra Banks better not have seen a dime from that screw job.

Other assorted UK television like “Hell’s Kitchen” and some show about modeling with Janice Dickinson that we’re certain Janice managed to ruin despite the fact that you could stare at Abigail the whole time.

Abigail’s Super Power: Ability to convince dudes like us to do things we’d never do under normal circumstances (house work, going downstairs, etc.) simply with the use of words like “knickers” and “shag” and “bollocks”.

Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: Slight cankle issue. Not full-on., but somewhat evident. Semi-Cankles, if you will.

The Most Bonerific She’s Ever Looked:

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Her Official Website for Your Voyeurism Pleasure: AbigailClancy.com. Simple and easy to remember.

Dudes She’s Been Linked To: Only guy we’ve found is the British soccer player we already mentioned. And if we do say so ourselves Peter Crouch looks like he’s the UK version of Shawn Bradley. We like our odds with this chick.

Fun Facts on Abigail Clancy:

Calls fries “chips” and chips “crisps”, which is really fucking confusing.

She’s recently decided she’s going to be a huge pop star. In unrelated news, Miley Cyrus can’t sleep at night.

Like all British chicks her age, she’d immediately drop her pants in the presence of Mick Jagger despite the fact that he’s 100 and his skin is hanging off him.

Abigail and Peter Crouch are pretty much the British equivalent to Jessica and Tony. During the 2006 World Cup rumors starting flying that she was busy snorting blow, boning her ex-boyfriend, and poisoning England’s run in the tournament. Crouch dumped her via fax only to get back together with her like six month later. Awesome.

How We Know She’s Down to Party:

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