In the last week or so the debate over National College Basketball Player of the Year has heated up. That’s because this is the only part of the season where it’s a viable topic. In another week or so the same college basketball analysts currently talking POY will only have time to debate three things: who’s in the tournament, who’s on the bubble, and who sucks and stays home.

This year Tyler Hansbrough is the media darling for POY. If you watch any college basketball on television you know the guy’s name is synonymous with phrases like “great motor” and “relentless play”. It’s enough to make one think that the analysts sporting Hansbrough Hard-Ons are talking about him eating a pizza off their backs, not playing power forward.

As far as wildly overrated players go, Tyler Hansbrough is about to set the record for most courtesy reach around offers extended to one human being.

Believe me, Hansbrough IS wildly overrated. He is nothing more than the college equivalent to Shaquille O’Neal in his NBA prime. His entire game consists of two things. First thing: he gets the ball, lowers his shoulder, and drives to the basket. Second thing: he misses his first shot, fouls the shit out of the defensive rebounder over the back, and either scores the put back or gets a cheap foul call from the refs.

I have to give the guy credit for being able to make a free throw, but any asshole could get 25 points and 12 rebounds when 8 of those rebounds are off his own misses and the butt pirate is handed 15 free throws a game when any other player would have fouled out with ten minutes left in the second half.

Needless to say, I am less than impressed with Hansbrough’s game. He has NO chance of making any impact in the NBA beyond–maybe–potential role player off the bench. A year ago I would have said that he has Atlanta Hawks written all over him, but the Hawks actually drafted in a reasonably competent manner this past season, so now I’m guessing the New York Knicks will take a shot at him. The Knicks are one of the few basketball organizations left who pride themselves on making unjustifiable decisions and then trying to justify them.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Hansbrough personally. He does have really weird bug eyes that make me think he may or may not be orgasming at any moment. And it is pretty easy to dislike a dude whose dad starts tearing up with pride during the first half of UNC home games, but it’s not liked he nailed my girlfriend in the bathroom stall of a raunchy strip club. Truthfully, I’d probably respect him more if he pulled something that money off. I just can’t stand having to witness all the sloppy head that analysts, announcers, and know-nothing fans regularly give him.

I hope your enlightened. I’m out. Suck it Hansbrough.

Previous Editions of Turf Toe:

• How Shaq and Tim Almost Ruined the NBA
• Super Bowl Prop Bet Extravaganza
• NFL Water Cooler Prep
• Fixing Mid-Major Bowl Tie-Ins
• The Big 10 Should Be a Mid-Major

“Wicked Case of Turf Toe” is Booth’s weekly column dedicated to passing judgment on the world of sports.

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