Today’s edition of what’s not lame around the world wide web:

Jessica Alba was totally the early-to-develop chick that kept you from passing algebra in six grade. How are you supposed to solve variables when all you can think about is motor boating your homework partner? [IDLYITW]

Shocker of the year! Les Miles is going to give Ryan Perrilloux another shot. This has absolutely nothing to do with quarterback needs and everything to do with the power of forgiveness. [Fan IQ]

Kate Beckinsale calls her lady region “The Pharaoh’s Tomb”. Now imagine that with the accent. Awesome, right? [On 205th]

The Broncos may be involved in a Denver prostitution ring. The madam is naming names. Another case where people are going to assume athletes are paying for sex when they’re really paying for the women to go away. [FanHouse]

There’s a weird rumor floating around that Kate Hudson recently made a run at Tim Hasselbeck (aka Mr. Elizabeth Hasselbeck, aka The Less Talented Hasselbeck). Not like Kate Hudson’s in our top 100 or anything, but how’s it possible for Tim to pull that off? How’s it possible he nabbed Liz? Tim makes Matt look like the handsome, not mentally challenged, non-Albino Hasselbeck. [NYDN via The Big Lead]

Makin’ It Rain pictorial. What this country is all about. [Busted Coverage]

Gotta love the MySpace chicks that essentially aspiring porn stars. [Hottest Girls of MySpace]

Remember when Javon Kearse wreaked havoc for the Titans and gave you a bit of a chub while doing so? Yeah, “The Freak” days are over. He got cut by the Eagles today. [Yahoo Sports]

Ever wonder how much that two lane bowling alley for your basement is gonna set you back? 88K. Time to make it happen. [Holy Taco]

Check out this bridge in Dubai. Man, that place looks awesome. We’re definitely heading over there soon. We hear everyone’s so rich that all the chicks have fakies. [Tasty Booze]

Speaking of fakies, Jose Canseco’s ex-wife, Jessica Canseco’s, ta tas may be the key to this whole Roger Clemens on steroids thing. [SportsbyBrooks]

Hard to believe, but Tyra Banks sucks worse than originally imagined. [WWTDD]

Today, Packers.com reported that Brett Favre is going to retire, only to have Packers PR quickly retract and say Favre hasn’t retired. What’s really going on here? Emotions haven’t been this mixed in Wisconsin since the population first realized they live in Wisconsin. [Awful Announcing]

Bill Belichick on the cover of a homosexual New England magazine. But he’s not gay. This is the part where we’re supposed to type “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”, but we refuse. [With Leather]

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