More than likely you’ve seen Jesse Metcalfe on television and either thought or said out loud, “What a tool.” From our research we’ve found that Jesse has elicited this response from more male viewers, ages 18-35, than any other moderately successful, mediocrely talented pretty boy in the entertainment business.

We’ve been of the opinion that Jesse sucks ever since the we first saw him unintentionally saw him on “Desperate Housewives”. The guy cemented and reaffirmed our gut instinct when he checked himself into rehab in 2007 for supposed “alcohol abuse”. What a lameass.

Note to Jesse: Getting drunk enough to let another dude do a shot of tequila off you doesn’t mean you have an addiction.

Needless to say, we feel the time is right to communicate to our audience that they should think he sucks as well.

Jesse Metcalfe’s PITFF Qualifications

Famous For: Being prettier than 99% of chicks we go home with. Playing a Mexican dude on some soap opera. Doing shirtless scenes with Eva Longoria where in proportion to each other they look like average sized human beings. In all actuality, they’re both legal dwarfs.

Why That Sucks: Because we don’t get paid to stand around looking pretty (like we should) and then get to parlay that into banging copious amounts of hot chicks (not sure he does, but pretty sure he’s capable).

Looks Like: His career should have plateaued on the side of an Abercrombie bag.

Favorite Movie: “Legends of the Fall”

Favorite Band: Good Charlotte

Favorite Actor: Matthew McConaughey

Favorite Athlete: Kobe Bryant

More Reasons to Hate:

Chicks He’s Banged That Pisses Us Off: A somewhat underwhelming list of ordinary females, except for that Colleen Shannon chick, she looks like she’d be down for anything.

For the Gayest Thing We’ve Ever Seen: Click here.

Fun Facts:

• Jesse’s stint in rehab inspired the tremendous one-liner, “You can go to rehab for being addicted to smoking pole?”

• Ashton Kutcher “punk’d” Jesse when Jesse was supposedly auditioning for “Spiderman 3″. We haven’t see it, but we can only assume that the crux of the prank was that Jesse might be considered for “Spiderman 3″.

• Tony Parker once told Jesse not to feel weird about all his make out scenes with Eva because “It’s not healthy to feel threatened by gay men.”

• Jesse tells people he’s 5′10″. In a somewhat related story, we often tell people we have the power to bring dead pets back to life.

• Pretends to be into classic rock and sports vintage t-shirts (i.e. the Stevie Ray Vaughn shirt above). In reality, an old Blondie album is the closet thing to classic rock in Jesse’s collection.

Looks Like Someone Else Beat Us to the Punch:

Side Note: The dude that punches him is reportedly some white British rapper named Mams. Wow. Getting decked by Clay Aiken may be the only thing that rivals that.

[Sources: Wikipedia, IMDb , Who’s Dated Who, People]

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Adnan Ghalib
• Griffin Guess
• Tyra Banks
• Reggie Bush
  
• Philip Rivers

“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s weekly exposé on shitty people. Click here to check out the PITFF archives. Click here to email us a nominee.

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