The Romo Chronicles: Meeting The Exes At The Cosmo Party
March 4th, 2008 by NextRound
Cosmo named and honored Tony Romo and a bunch of other dudes yesterday as Fun Fearless Males of 2008. And if that award doesn’t already sound lame enough, the other honorees included John Mayer AND Dane Cook. Things undoubtedly got a little weird at that after party seeing that both Mayer and Cook (and probably Common) have banged dated Romo’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson.
We’d like to tell you we just made all that up, but it’s a true story and we’re not that clever. We are clever enough however to compile a list of the ten most frequent Tony Romo thoughts throughout the Cosmo festivities.
- “Never listening to my publicist again when she tells me something ‘will really open some doors for me.’”
- “If either of those turds gives me the ‘what’s my dick taste like?’ look I will sodomize them both in front of this entire party.”
- “Man, it’s a good thing Jessica’s tits are huge.”
- “Waiting on the World to Change is the worst fucking song ever made.”
- “If I murdered Dane Cook and dumped his body in the East River would I even get in trouble?”
- “At least these dudes are taller than that midget Lachey.”
- “Tony, get a grip! Quit fucking picturing John Mayer’s ‘O’ face! Quit! Dammit, Tony! Mind over matter!”
- “At least if I get caught in an awkward conversation I can bring up what a creepy old bastard Joe Simpson is.”
- “Does Cosmo still do those articles on kamasutra and the revitalizing affects of semen?”
- “How much hot Dallas ass could I have plowed through just in the time it took me to fly to and from New York?”
(And if you really into witnessing awkwardness, check out this video of the honorees entering the event. It’s not funny or interesting, just awkward.)
