We hand out superlatives for the weekend that was.

Achievements in Awesomeness

Lebron James. Saturday night Lebron knocked down his third straight halftime buzzer beating bucket, this one a reverse slam where he reminded the world that he’s a redonkulously freaky talent the likes of which we are just beginning to comprehend. And some people talk about Kobe being the best in the league. What a bunch of uninformed assholes.

Redefining Suckiness

Taking Tough Money Line Beats. Georgetown winning a sloppy defensive game by three points when you have the Louisville moneyline and the spread is 3.5 is not the ideal way to start your Saturday. On a separate note, ending your Saturday in the bedroom of a chick that outweighs you is not ideal either.

Weekend’s Big Winner

Shaquille O’Neal. The Suns beat the Spurs–quite an accomplishment in it’s own right–but to make things even better for Shaq, he dove out of bounds in a play media pundits will use as prime example of Shaq’s “willingness to win”, his “ability to still play at a hight level”, and the “turning point of the Suns’ season”. We don’t really agree with any of that, but another tremendous PR move for Shaquille. And a couple people almost got decapitated, which is always a good time.

Weekend’s Unparalleled Loser

Shaun Alexander. The Seahawks spent the last seven days signing two running backs, Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett, pretty much guaranteeing Alexander is completely dunzo in Seattle. Now all you have to do is sit back and wait to laugh your ass when someone takes him in the top ten of your fantasy draft.

Most Nauseating Thing We Saw

ESPN’s Coverage of the Duke Speedo Guy. Seriously, a five minute segment? That was necessary? In case you missed it, here’s the abridged version: a bunch of dorks go to Duke.

We Respect the Shit Out of You

Dan Morgan. You signed a contract with Saints and managed to continue getting paid for showing up on the “Doubtful” portion of the injury report. That’s the kind of effort-to-salary ratio we can get on board with.

The Box Office Award

“10,000 B.C.” Took top spot with 35.7 mil. We told you Wooly Mammoths are a big draw.

We Call Bullshit

On O.J. Mayo. The kid continues to claim he’s sticking around for his sophomore season at USC. Unless we find out he’s a ginormous Lil’ Romeo fan, we completely refuse to believe this.

Weird Ways to Suck

Trying to Buy Neverland Ranch. Two British dudes are attempting to buy Neverland Ranch to keep Michael Jackson out of bankruptcy. How fucking much do you have to love Thriller to come to the rescue of that fiscally challenged psychopath?

Orthodox Ways to Suck

Cincinnati Bearcats. Cincinnati was on the proverbial bracket bubble a few weeks ago, looking like they might give Joe Lunardi a little more face time on Sportscenter, but they’ve lost 5 straight and spent the weekend getting absolutely clobbered by UConn. We’re pretty sure we could have banked enough 3s home not to lose 96-51.

Best Random Video

This British condom commercial. We knew chicks did it too! [CO-ED]

Partied the Hardest

Tyler Hansbrough. After the big win against Duke, Hansbrough celebrated with an all night three way with two smoking hot co-eds by throwing ping pong balls at other shirtless dudes.

This Is Officially Out of Hand

The Whole Terrelle Pryor Thing. The kid now has his own action figure. This is going to end badly. Mark our words.

Caucasian Dominance Award

The Drake, Again. Some scrappy dude named Emmenecker and Kyle Korver’s little brother led the Drake to the MVC title. Never doubt the Drake.

Where Things Got Weird

At the University of Florida. Where a cheerleader was arrested for filing a false police report claiming she was being stalked. She later admitted she was the one sending threatening emails and IMs to herself. You know, sometimes you begin to wonder if chicks are really as collectively crazy as you make them out to be and then something like this happens and completely reaffirms your perspective.

Special Thanks To

Insomniac Lounge for profiling UCLA’s cheerleaders.

Tasty Booze for finding these two mugshots.

SWPL for summarizing why white people like “The Wire” in tribute to last night’s finale.

And to FanHouse for chronicling John Daly’s weekend after missing the cut at the PODS Championship. We definitely assumed Daly was a boob guy.

Here’s to making it to next weekend.

“Case of the Mondays” is NextRound’s recap and awards show for the weekend that was. Click here for previous editions.

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