We’ve been meaning to get to Kate Mara in this spot for quite some time. Why? Because we look forward to marrying her (and cheating on her, Spitzer-style) in the not so near future.

You see, not only is Kate a quasi-famous actress who looks great in an spontaneous bra scene, but her families own both the Giants and the Steelers (father’s side, Giants; mother’s side, Steelers). And that’s the sort of bloodline we’re looking to shotgun wedding our way into.

So here’s the plan: 1) We meet Kate at some red carpet shindig where we pretend to be a real estate mogul; 2) We charm the shit out of her by making fun of her role in “Brokeback Mountain”; 3) Poundtown; 4) Quickie marriage at the Venetian in between craps sessions; And 5) We’re sending back the tuna salad sandwich Eli and/or Big Braindead Roethlisberger made us because we said LOTS of mayo. The end.

Kate Mara’s Hump Day Bio

Age: 25. But rocking the body of a slightly malnourished 19 year-old coed. Nice.

Hometown: Bedford, New York. She ventured into Jersey for Giants games every Sunday after church. We can’t imagine Jersey is the first place anyone should go directly from church, but hey, there was football.

Where You May Have Seen Kate:

• “Shooter”. The action flick where Marky Mark attempts to play a reclusive southern sniper, but instead comes off as Marky Mark in a weird mood.

• “24″. She was in five episodes of the season where terrorists threaten Los Angeles and Jack Bauer teaches them a big fucking lesson.

• “Brokeback Mountain”. You can tell us about this one when we come in to get our hair cut next week.

• “We Are Marshall”. She acts opposite the immortal Al Swearengen in just about every scene. Surprisingly, he goes the whole movie without referring to her as a filthy c— w—-.

Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: Kate can look kind of manish in the wrong light. A slight concern for anyone who’s genealogy doesn’t involve NFL franchise ownership. We’d date Chelsea Clinton if it meant luxury box.

What’s Kind of Creepy: We’re pretty sure she played the teenage rape victim in a ‘01 “Law and Order: SVU” that we caught on TNT the other day. All we could think about is how we really want to bring the wood to the 2008 version.

The Most Bonerific She’s Ever Looked:

Dude She’s Apparently Dating: McG. The director. Pictured below in professor’s blazer. Who–if you take a second to think about it–shouldn’t be taken seriously by anyone since his name doesn’t have a vowel in it. One name? Really? Who the fuck does he think he is? Sting?

Fun Facts on Kate Mara:

• Often tells people Jake Gyllenhaal “didn’t seem as super gay as I expected” on the set of “Brokeback”.

• When asked about working with either Kiefer Sutherland on “24″ or Mark Wahlberg in “Shooter”, the first words out of her mouth are, “really fucking short.”

• Has sung the national anthem several times at Giants’ games. Prides herself at being way better than anyone who finished third or worse on “American Idol”.

• Was once propositioned by Osi Umenyiora. Respectfully declined.

• When asked about Ben Roethlisberger’s new contract, she commented: “Well, hopefully a guy can only spend so much cash on Jager bombs and Urban Outfitter t-shirts before he has to put some in a bank.”

Our Favorite YouTube Clip: This public safety announcement where she asks people to switch to bio-friendly cars. It’s so cute and silly and naive it makes us want to damage McG’s kneecaps even more.

And Our Handpicked Gallery:

Happy Hump Day!

[Sources: Wikipedia, IMDb]

Previous Editions of Hump Day:

• Camilla Belle
• Abigail Clancy
• Kaley Cuoco
• Rachel Bilson
• Bar Refaeli

“Hump Day” is NextRound’s weekly segment featuring pretty ladies you should get to know. Click here to check out previous editions.

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