We hand out superlatives for the weekend that was.

Achievements in Awesomeness

College Basketball in March. Buzzer Beaters. Upsets. Tornadoes in Atlanta. Bubble Breakers. Cutting down nets. BRACKETS. Selection Sunday shows. BRACKETS. Teams getting shafted. BRACKETS. Beasley v. Mayo in the first round. BRACKETS. Dominating the suckers in your work pool. BRACKETS!!!!!

We get a big uncomfortable rager this time of year. No way around it. The next three days are just one big tedious countdown to slacking off on Thursday and Friday. This video of Minnesota’s ri-fucking-diculous win over Indiana pretty much sums up how we fell right now:

Site News Note: NextRound’s 1st Annual Tournament Challenge: Booth v. All will debut this afternoon. Get excited.

Weekend’s Big Winner

Dennis Felton. Felton’s Tom Coughlin inspired coaching and Georgia’s out-of-nowhere play not only got the Bulldogs into the NCAAs, but also saved a job Felton pretty much deserved to lose. Thank god for the motivating power of urban tornadoes. And as an added bonus–if Felton is a real diabolical son of a bitch–he can take great satisfaction in knowing his team managed to steal a NCAA bid away from a team that’s actually good. Which brings us too…

Weekend’s Big Loser

Seth Greenberg. Virginia Tech barely lost a tough game to North Carolina on Saturday. Following it, their coach Seth Greenberg openly lobbied for the Hokies and their qualifications to be in the dance only to have his heart ripped directly from his chest on Sunday as the selection committee only took four ACC schools. Seth, that’s a tough beat. We feel ya. Billy Packer is taking new appointments if you want to discuss further.

Most Nauseating Thing We Saw

The Annual Productivity Study. This year’s version of the world’s most unintuitive study is predicting $1.7 Billion in lost workplace productivity over the next two weeks. We can’t emphasize this enough, but what these consulting firms don’t realize is that all we’re doing is trading the time we normally spend surfing cougar porn for paying attention to basketball.

Hot Chick We Didn’t Know Existed

This Smoking Russian Ex-Figure Skater. Her name is Anna Semenovich. She no longer skates (most likely fell victim to lack of talent) so now–of course–she focuses on her modeling and singing careers. In case you’re unaware, the amount of talent needed in those fields is considerably less than figure skating. As long as we’re not talking about front court talent that is.

Making a Lot of Money

Les Miles. Signed a ginormous contract and is now the top paid SEC coach. On an unrelated note, Nick Saban has a meeting scheduled today with Alabama boosters to discuss his “yacht fund”.

Kind of Awesome Example of Going America on Someone’s Ass

Booting Un-American Assholes from a High School Basketball Game. An athletic director in Connecticut kicked some lazy pinkos out of a high school basketball game because they refused to stand during the national anthem. In another example of going America on someone’s ass, the pinkos are now suing the school.

Oooh, Dagger

The Lakers. Lakers lose Gasol, then promptly help the Rockets to their 22nd win. Hollywood star power attendance expected to drop roughly 30%.

Biggest Erection Deflator

Madonna’s New Album Cover. Remember when you kind of wanted to bone Madonna? Now you’ve got to live with yourself.

The Box Office Award

“Horton Hears a Who”. Made roughly 45 mil. These animated flicks are money in the bank. Our next venture will almost certainly involve cracking the revenue generating potential of animated porno.

Biggest Shocker

Beckham Wants Out of LA. Has nothing to do with never playing soccer or the original move being a massive publicity stunt. Beckham simply says fish and chips are mediocre in California at best.

Weird Ways to Suck

Pretending Your Spitzer’s Hooker’s Pimp. This dude was on Anderson Cooper’s show as a sort of expert analyst on the escort service industry. Only afterward, he went home and remembered he was actually Ashley Dupre’s pimp. So he then lobbied for a spot on Larry King in order to discuss being her pimp. Douchebag or Scumbag? Discuss.

Don’t F With Crazy People Unless You’re Willing to Get Just as Crazy

Scientology. A group called “Anonymous” has been circulating anti-Scientology videos over the last month or so. How did Scientology respond? Did they just ignore this rouge group? Of course not. Instead they decided to create their own videos outing the members of “Anonymous” and branding them as domestic terrorists. Wanna get nuts?! Let’s get nuts!.

Best Random Video

This Future Honor Roll Student Experiments with Skateboard Physics.

Partied the Hardest

The Chick Who Streaked a Soccer Game. Going forward the only soccer games we watch are the kind that involve semi-hot female streakers.

This Is Officially Out of Hand

Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest continues to date porno hot chicks and insist he’s not a gay man. If he is straight, has any straight dude in the history of straight dudes ever had a larger percentage of the population assume he’s gay? We guess this is the reward for his plight:

This Is Going to End Well

DeAngelo Hall to the Raiders. Not completely a done deal, but let’s all start lobbying for this to happen right now. There’s just such a good chance it could end with some having “Conspiracy to Commit Murder” charges brought against them.

Special Thanks To

To the ex-Governor of New Jersey for allegedly forcing your wife into threeways with your male driver in order to prover New York has nothing on Jersey in the lewd sex department.

The guys at Joe Sports Fan for constructing Erin Andrews’ MySpace page.

Deadspin for compiling this college coaches’ reaction montage.

And our boy Big Cherry for finding these examples of people in the background ruining photos. (Some NSFW unsexy nudity).

Here’s to making it to next weekend noon Thursday.

“Case of the Mondays” is NextRound’s recap and awards show for the weekend that was. Click here for previous editions.

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