The Red Sox players took the sporting world by storm today when they refused to take the field in their final spring training game and threatened to boycott their season opening trip to Japan if their coaches and staff were not compensated as previously negotiated. Do not fret though, as it looks like things are now worked out.

Thank god. We could have had an international incident of Godzilla-like proportions on our hands otherwise.

Luckily for us–and you–we know some people that lift weights with some people that sell Josh Beckett weed and were able to get our hands on the this list of further demands the Red Sox players had for MLB. Enjoy.

1) A seat on the plane for Wade Boggs so the team could document first hand how many beers he can drink on an international flight.

2) Two vouchers to the raunchiest massage parlor Japan has to offer for every member of the Red Sox organization.

3) An authentic samurai suit for Manny to where at all times he’s not in uniform.

4) Free individual wealth management consultations with Lenny Dykstra.

5) That Clay Buchholz’s girlfriend takes his spot on the roster.

6) A Joe Francis autographed copy of the Ashley Dupre “Girls Gone Wild” DVD before it’s available to the public.

7) Unlimited Saki bombs in the bullpen.

And,

8 ) No more paying taxes ever again. (Papelbon had just finished watching “Armegedon” on Blu-Ray.)

Our sources indicate all demands were met.

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