Today’s edition of what’s not lame around the world wide web:

The “G.I. Joe” movie is actually happening. We’ve searched our souls and are still utterly clueless as to how we feel about it. [Tasty Booze]

Yes! Yeeesssss!!!! Our day has been made. Timberlake to host the ESPY’s. Or, as we’re singing around NR HQs: Timberlake’s bringing ESPY back. [Awful Announcing]

Call the authorities! Some fat dude skinned Magic Johnson and turned his flesh into outerwear! [Big Lead]

Impregnator of Alba and antagonizer of all men, Cash Warren, is proving his worth with a new website. We’re really glad someone’s already done the work in making fun of the guy on this one. [Holy Taco]

The NCAA has agreed to remove the obnoxious, slippery decals they pasted on the floor for the first two rounds. All it took was a “daggum” from Roy Williams. [FanHouse]

This chick claims she won’t do porn or nudes. We’re willing to bet our friend Mr. Lincoln has something to say about that. [Hottest Girls of MySpace]

Michael Jordan showed up to some Oakley’s promotion (the sunglasses, not Charles) with two chicks and rumors of a new Hefner-esque lifestyle for MJ started swirling. In unrelated news, the sequel to “Space Jam” has been put on hold. [Page Six]

The only thing we find interesting and/or convincing about Canseco’s allegations against A-Rod are that Alex got a mean stiffy when Jose’s wife was around. Check her out. You decide if she doesn’t fit A-Rod’s M.O. to a tee. [With Leather]

Satan’s finally cashing in on Richie Sambora. Dude got a DUI with–you guessed it–his daughter in the car. Isn’t that punishable by lethal injection in like twenty states? [WWTDD]

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