The semi-relevant information you need to know this week in your ongoing pursuit to maintain as much awesomeness as possible…

Baseball is back! For those of you that give a shit about baseball, anyway. When discussing Opening Day with your friends and coworkers be sure to not only mention the warm mixed-at-best reception the President received at last night’s Nats game, but also W’s canon for an arm. His ability to hose a first pitch will probably go down as the most positive aspect of his legacy.

Matt Leinart is a machine this offseason. A machine built to party harder than any human is capable of partying, that is. Strength training and film study is for douches. Leinart knows the offseason is all about reasonably hot chicks and beer bongs.

“Shine a Light” opens this weekend. “Shine a Light” is Martin Scorsese’s documentary covering the career of the Rolling Stones. We don’t expect anyone to actually see it until HBO starts airing it, but we should all be aware of the film if not for any other reason than Scorcese’s uncanny ability to use Gimme Shelter to make scenes in his movies infinitely awesomer.

Borat is back! Well, Sasha Baron Cohen is back…as “Bruno”. Looks like his follow up to “Borat” will involve a lot of fruity dancing with little creepy dudes in Midwestern airports. This video should pretty much sum it up for you.

Hulk Hogan has a new lady friend. And hard to believe she’s a young, somewhat manish blonde who thinks Hulk actually pinned Andre the Giant. Translated: she’s the closest thing he could find to his daughter this side of splicing chromosomes. Doubt this is really a shock to anyone who’s familiar with the incestuous nature of “Hogan Knows Best”.

Al Swearengen is back! Sort of. Ian McShane (who played arguably the greatest television character EVER on “Deadwood”) is finally returning to TV with NBC’s upcoming “Kings”. We know, we know, network television = zero gratuitous F- or C-bombs, even if used creatively. But hey, you sometimes you gotta take what you can get. That’s pretty much our motto every Saturday night.

Time to start talking NFL Draft. It’s less than a month away and you’re about to be pelted with a mock draft from every radio show and sports blog in existence (hell, if we’re not feeling creative we’ll probably give one a try). Go ahead and prepare your positions on Matt Ryan, Chris Long, Glen Dorsey, Jake Long, and Darren McFadden. As a point of reference our positions are “Eh”, “Maybe”, “Safe”, “Safer”, and “Learn to Wrap Up”, respectively.

Andy Roddick to spend 2008 marrying swimsuit model, not winning grand slams. Her name is Brooklyn Decker. She’s not a porn star, she’s a swimsuit model. Time to get jealous after the jump:

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