Admitting to your girlfriend you’re cheating on her. Especially unfunny when you’re trying to cover up the fact that you are actually cheating on her.

Quitting your job in the elaborate manner you’d actually like to quit your job. You can only tell so many coworkers to “go fuck themselves” before things are permanently weird.

Faking your best cop voice from a pay phone and informing a buddy that one of his immediate family members died. Why no one sees the humor in this is beyond us.

Any joking about pregnancy. Whether it’s you admitting you never “technically” pull out, or her admitting she was never “technically” on the pill, pregnancy jokes don’t play on April Fools Day.

Confessing to a friend you murdered someone. Whether you have or not, doesn’t go over as well as you think it might. Especially avoid the “just to watch them die” line.

Pretending to get caught masturbating. As funny as it seems–we know–people tend to think you’re disturbed.

Telling some chubby chick that you love her, then screaming “April Fools!” after you get done having sex with her.

Sending out a mass email informing your family and friends that you’re now a devout Scientologist. The number of phone calls trying to talk you out of it is just not worth it.

Coming out of closet. Even though you feel like you should be protected by the cloak of the holiday, some people will question your sexuality forever.

Telling your buddy you banged his wife. Simple rule of thumb: regardless of whether you did or you didn’t, he won’t find it funny.

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