Most Americans are woefully uninformed of the damage ninjas are wreaking on homeless men across the country. We’re taking it upon ourselves to inform you. The evidence is simply overwhelming.

Exhibit A: The very first victim.

Exhibit B: The guy who lost his VW van.

Exhibit C: The first brother victimized.

Exhibit D: The A’s fan who never saw them coming.

Exhibit E: The kid who escaped their wrath.

Exhibit F: The goofy bastard who didn’t stand a chance.

In some instances they just killed the father, in others the entire family. The travesties have spanned from the East Coast to the Bay Area. And while some of these men feel that any brand of karate training will do, others are confident only Kung Fu will properly prepare them for battle.

But anyway you slice it, ninjas have ruined too many a man’s life in this country. And now it’s time we all take a stand.

NextRound’s Special Message to all Presidential candidates: The first of you to release a Ninja Eradication Policy is the first to get our vote.

[Special thanks to The Daily Czabe for alerting us to this crisis and prompting us to do further research.]

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