There’s going to be a lot of basketball talk today, and — as always — our take on a mainstream topic is, well, a little off center.

On Saturday night, UNC — the favorite to win it all — lost to Kansas. And while the consensus take is that this was a game Kansas chose to win, a game where they officially got the Roy Williams monkey off their back for good, we think there’s another element that played seriously into the equation. That element was the Dr. Gene Hansbrough Karma.

Forget Roy Williams, forget Bill Self, forget Kansas’ fan base, forget that the Jayhawks looked twice as athletic as the Tarheels on Saturday. As far as we’re concerned, that UNC loss was all about the copious amounts of negative karma brought on by Tyler Hansbrough’s dad, Dr. Gene. Your dad can only spend so many of your televised games blubbering in the stands like a raging idiot before it catches up with you.

And, as the Karma gods are prone to do, they waited for the biggest national spot to enforce their will.

Things your dad can do when you’re a high profile athlete: Attend your games, where one article of team apparel, be televised a maximum of two times a game, drink beers in the stands, eat hot dogs, be accompanied by your mom, be accompanied by some hot chick that’s not your mom, applaud conservatively, fist pump on occasion, tell a ref to “go fuck yourself”, and picture cheerleaders naked.

Things your dad CAN’T DO when you’re a high profile athlete: Be televised so often that casual fans not only know him by first name, they swear they’ll fight him if they ever see him in a bar, WEEP INCESSANTLY, cheer harder than any foreign undergrad in the Duke student section, get more air time than your head coach, have play-by-play guys talk about how smart you are because your dad’s an orthopedic surgeon, or WEEP INCESSANTLY IN THE FIRST HALF BECAUSE YOU MADE A THREE POINT PLAY.

All of the above will garner your team a loss in the most critical of situations. The world’s balance will only take so much douchebaggery. Let’s all learn a lesson from this and be sure to see it coming in the future.

Email This