Today we provide our knee-jerk thoughts to the trailer for “Street Kings” (the new Keanu Reeve’s cop flick opening tomorrow) and decide from there whether it’s going to be any good or not. Please keep in mind that we may classify something as “good” by either the conventional definition or for containing high levels of unintentional comedy. Let’s watch!

“Training Day” meets “Point Break” meets “Johnny Mneumonic”. BAM! Of course, we’re talking a really poor man’s “Training Day”. Like, no checking account poor. But it will have the same feel nonetheless (the director actually wrote “Training Day”). On top of that, we’re definitely getting the vibe that you’re in for equal parts “Point Break”-ish Keanu awesomeness and “Johnny Mneumonic” all around sucktitude.

“Quicks? Not quick enough.” GD, you’ve gotta love Keanu. We would have zero desire to see this flick if he wasn’t in it. Dude just wants so bad to be taken seriously and in doing so continues to perpetuate what’s great about him: he’s everyone’s favorite bad actor. It’s like drinking ten more beers to prove you’re not an alcoholic. Speaking of which…

Drunk Casting. Nothing quite like the perfect blend of accomplished actors — Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie — and a bunch of no-talent ass clowns — Cedric the Entertainer, the meathead from the “Fantastic 4″ movies — to round out the supporting cast.

Is Common the new Ice Cube or the new LL Cool J? Or are both of those insults? How about the new Ice-T? Yeah, that’s an insult too. Shit, hope he doesn’t check the site today.

When to see it: Probably worth a rental within the first two months it’s out on DVD. If you’ve got a slow weekend ahead of you and aren’t into golf, spring football scrimmages, or beers, we suggest getting stoned, hitting the theater, and sitting in eager anticipation of Keanu’s, “I’m going to ask him some questions, then we’re going to kill him,” line.

Email This