Punch In The Face Friday: Benji Madden
April 11th, 2008 by NextRound
Congrats, Benji! It’s finally your turn to take one to the overly pierced cranium.
We sucker punched your brother a while back and kind of forgot about you (you know, because you’re backup vocals), but fear not. Better late than ever.
We woke up this morning feeling clever, and you woke up this morning providing us with all the ammo one website would ever need to belittle a quasi-celebrity. From the lame tats, to the douchey hair, to being a vegan, to having a pierced lip, to sharing a name with our favorite K-9 movie star, to swapping L-bombs with Paris Hilton, Benji, you’ve really worked for this moment.
Benji Madden’s PITFF
Famous For: Starting a band with his twin brother and transitioning from Punk Rock to Punk Pop to Plain Pop faster than any other band before them.
Why That Sucks: Because this guy looks like he should be on his fourth fast food job in three years, but instead is technically a rock star (albeit a less than enviable one). And instead of reaping the benefits of his tremendous good fortune and the fact that his band caters to teen girls with low self esteem, Benji is a vegan who bangs wants to make babies with Paris Hilton. Conversely, if we were in the same position, we’d be spending our nights mowing down porterhouses and trolling the freshman girls’ dorms at nearby state colleges.
Benji’s Life in Pictures:
“No, no, this guy’s the bigger tool.”
“Sometimes your girlfriend just has to run through like forty to fifty dudes before she can recognize true love.”
“I’m not crying, that’s just my eyeliner.”
“Cool and Tough defined.”
Chick He’s Banged That Pisses Us Off: Sophie Monk. Sure, she’s not the smokingest piece of ass to walk the planet, but dude’s with neck tats should be relegated to chicks with neck tats. That’s our policy.
Favorite Movie: “Epic Movie”
Favorite Band: “Good Charlotte”, bitches! You knew it! He really likes Green Day’s new stuff too.
Favorite Athlete: Cherokee Parks.
Fun Facts:
- We’re pretty sure Benji’s knuckle tats (first picture) spell out “Made Man”. We can only assume he succeeded where Tommy in “Goodfellas” could not.
- Benji collects gothic dolls. You should see Ken with spiky hair and eyeliner. Dude looks boss.
- Is a vegan and regularly refers to vegetarians as “flip-flopping pussies”.
- Firmly believes Paris has “just scratched the surface of her stardom.”
- Benji tells everyone he meets for the first time that, “If your lip ring is on the left side of your mouth it means you’re not gay.”
Now feel free to go out and punch a stranger.
Previous Editions of PITFF:
“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s weekly exposé on shitty people. Click here to check out the PITFF archives. Click here to email us a nominee.
