Trevor Immelman. So hot right now. Arguably the finest South African export since Charlize Theron.

What is it about Brandt Snedeker that’s screaming for an ass kicking? Is it the all-encompassing country club demeanor? Or maybe it’s just his huge fucking Adidas collar? That thing looks like a baby cape.

Mickelson should probably consider working some bench press into his new “super intense” fitness regiment.

We wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if Jim Nantz orgasmed at any point during broadcast.

Stewart Cink and Steve Flesch look like they should have spent the weekend finalizing our taxes.

Wonder if anyone’s ever gotten laid in Butler Cabin.

Why does it seem like it wouldn’t take much effort on Adam Scott’s part to bang your girlfriend?

We take serious issue with Tiger switching out his Sunday red for his Sunday pink and assuming no one will notice. Metro moves like that never get by us.

All Robert Karlsson has to do to become our favorite golfer is change his first name to Karl.

Is it weird we kind of wish Martha Burke was still around? That silly B was comedy gold.

Did Steve Williams have anything on under his caddy jumpsuit? We put odds at 50/50 that he was straight commando under there. New Zealanders are a different breed.

We’re pretty sure Nick Faldo molded his tie collection after our color blind uncle who lives in Reno.

Snedeker’s collar grew another two inches after his eagle on 2 on Sunday.
Little known fact: Paul Casey made some side cash playing one of the elf extras in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy.

What made Tiger happier? The birth of his child OR his eagle on eleven? Tough Call.

Who would you rather have a beer with? Verne Lundquist or David Feherty? Who would buy you a lap dance first? Another tough call.

Things get kind of boring when a white dude from Africa runs away with the tournament. At least Immelman realized the tedium he had caused and spent his entire celebration sending out invites to the gun show.

And now on to handing out superlatives for the weekend that was…

Awesomest Rumor

That Megan Fox will do a topless scene in her next flick. This move has Brian Austin Green career advise written all over it.

The Truth Comes Out

Bobby Reid, the former Oklahoma State quarterback who Mike Gundy defended in the famous “I’m a man!” tirade, has come out and said Gundy fabricated the whole thing and was just looking for an excuse to berate at a female reporter and remind the sports world that he’s forty. Which makes sense, you know, because Gundy has taken good care of himself and could easily pass for thirty-five.

Best Hooker Audition

Heidi Montag. You’ve got to hand it to this chick. She will not be outdone by her own trampiness. (more here)

Putting Everyone Out of Their Misery

Bryant Gumbel left the NFL Network. At least he stuck around long enough to lock up Worst Play-by-Play man EVER. No small feat.

Most Frustrating

Kevin Connelly’s ability to get laid. Seriously, what do we have to do to get this guy offed? We can no longer stomach reading gossip blurbs about him working his way into the pants of new hotties. Who sold him the magic wand? Who taught him the art of hypnosis? We’re about to lose it.

Most Nauseating News Item

The coverage of the Red Sox jersey buried under the concrete at the Yankee’s new stadium. Wait, what? The Red Sox and Yankees have a rivalry? The fans dislike each other? We’ve heard of crazy antics, but burying a shirt takes the cake. Tell us more. Any way we can get Dick Vitale’s analysis?

Most Enjoyable Video

This local news piece on try-outs for the Florida Marlins’ all-male chubby cheerleading squad. As you might imagine, the guys auditioning have gotten bored with model humping and are looking for a new hobby. [With Leather]

Best Random Video

Indian Techno. We defy you to look away. [Holy Taco]

Here’s to making it to next weekend noon Thursday.

“Case of the Mondays” is NextRound’s recap and awards show for the weekend that was. Click here for previous editions.

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