The semi-relevant things you need to know this week in your ongoing pursuit to maintain as much awesomeness as possible…

Five days to the NBA Playoffs. In the West, the Nuggets and Warriors are battling to see who gets to take a run at knocking off the Lakers in the first round. In the East, the Hawks and the Pacers are contemplating whether it’s worth delaying summer vacation a week just to have the Celtics kick the shit out of them. Good general rule of thumb: if an Eastern Conference team was under .600 for the regular season and doesn’t have a guy named Lebron on their team, substitute their name with “bye” in the playoffs.

Spring football games mean nothing. If someone in your office tells you their team looked bad ass in this past weekend’s scrimmage, remind him they were playing themselves and that he’s a virgin.

“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” might actually be pretty good. Our expectations for this flick have gradually risen over the last two weeks. It’s to the point where we may sacrifice a Friday night of being awesome to catch it in the theater. Just fucking with you. We’ll call in sick to work if we decide we want to see something in the theater.

Pacino did another crappy movie. Speaking of new movies, did anyone realize Pacino has some new suspense flick coming out this week? Seeing that it’s directed by the guy who did “The Starter Wife” and Pacino hired Pauly Shore’s agent roughly ten years ago we’d be a little disappointed if you did. Legislation really should have been passed in the 80’s limiting Pacino and DeNiro to one movie a year. The world would be a better place right now.

TV blows this week. We scanned over this week’s primetime television and were forced to go egg an old lady’s house just to get our rage out. So. Much. Shitty. Reality. TV. At least Thursday night on NBC is back.

Stay away from anything “Iron Man”. We’ve been kind of on board for “Iron Man” because we think the Robert Downey Jr. comeback is awesome, but for some reason Paramount is doing everything in their power to turn us on this flick. How many trailers and ads and teaser photos can one movie have? When did Will Ferrell become a marketing consultant?

NFL Draft! Less than two weeks away! Bengals, Lions, and Raiders fans, get excited! And by “get excited”, we of course mean “prepare for the worst”.

Email This