Email signatures are one of the few ways to define yourself in a homogeneous corporate environment. Here are some examples of what your email signature can say about you:

A) “I’m Here Because They Pay Me”.

Dick Masterson

Craptastic, Inc.

(888) 555-8517 Office

(888) 555-987 Fax

dmasterson@gmail.com

Our personal email signature recommendation. The Goal: to make it abundantly clear that you really don’t give a shit. No job title, whatever font Outlook defaults to, omit the last digit in your fax number (who wants to have to check the fucking fax machine?), substitute your personal email address for your work email in order to insinuate that you transmit copious amounts of porn on a daily basis. This signature lets the world know that italics are gay and you could use a beer.

B) “I Need You to Know I Drive a Jag”.

Dick Masterson | Vice President
The One REALLY Important Group in this REALLY Important Company
Really Important Company | Swinging Dick Division
Pimp Address, Baller Floor | New York, New York 10000
T: 888 555 2654 | F: 888 555 9745
dick.masterson@ric.com | www.ric.com/swingingdick

Nuanced. Refined. Uber professional. Hours of thought put into fonts, font sizes, where to bold, and when to work in a little color contrast (you went with a dash of green to remind people that you and money are never too far apart). Words = Importance. More the better. Chicks cream themselves after reading an email from you.

C) “I Eat Granola on the Weekends”.

Dick Masterson
My Work Title, Not My Life Title
The Company That Does Not Define Me
Some Building, On Some Street, In Some City
”Success Happens When You Let Yourself Happen”

The quote at the end of your signature makes it clear that work/life balance is your #1 priority. People read it and can picture you on the bike trails this Saturday. Your friends may giggle, but you like to think of it as electronic mail’s version of a handshake.

D) “I’m the Secretary You Really Want to Bang But Don’t Want to Spend a Night Listening to Me Talk About My Cats”.

THANKS! 

Denise Masterson
Super Fun Corp.
Miami, FL 24875

No explanation necessary.

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