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Hump Day: Mila Kunis

April 16th, 2008 by NextRound

You of course know Mila Kunis from “That 70’s Show”. You’ve also probably seen her in the previews for “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, which is opening this weekend. We’ve never taken a screenwriting class, but seeing that Mila doesn’t play Sarah Marshall, we’re willing to go out on a limb and guess she plays the chick that helps the dude forget Sarah Marshall. Just a hunch.

We’d all but forgotten Mila since “That 70’s Show” went off the air (which technically happened in 2006, but was more like 2004 as far as the viewing public is concerned), so her transformation from teenage jailbait to sophisticated pretty lady is quite the pleasant surprise. Amazing what a little eye brow wax can do, eh?

And lucky you, you’ll be seeing more of Mila in the near future. She’s landed a role in “Max Payne” with Marky Mark and is apparently giving this film career a serious go of it. Not bad for someone who spent a large portion of her youth in the presence of Ashton Kutcher. You would think there would be some serious repercussions from regular exposure to such high levels of obnoxious no-talentness. Then again, you don’t know who Mila is currently dating (more on that after the jump).

Mila’s Hump Day Bio

Age: 24. She lied about her age to land her role on “That 70’s Show”. She was only 15 and pretended to be turning 18. One of the few stories you’ll ever be able to reference where the underage chick said she was 18 and things turned out well for all parties.

Hometown: Born in Kiev (now in the Ukraine) and moved to Los Angeles when she was 8. Learned to speak English by watching Bob Barker on “The Price is Right”. Just when you think Barker can’t contribute any more to society you get a piece of information like this. The guy’s face should be on currency at this point.

Dudes She’s Been Linked To: Wow, just wow. We almost got into this from the beginning, but we didn’t want you to spend the entire article in a blind rage. We defy you to name one chick who’s been associated with a more underwhelming conglomerate of dudes.

In order of when they dated Mila (as far as we can tell):

Wilmer Valderrama! BAM! You knew it! You just fucking knew it! Hot ass did not walk onto the stage of “That 70’s Show” without having to pay the tax!

Danny Masterson! BAM! Double BAM! Dude’s got terrible facial hair, thinks he’s a DJ, AND gets Valderrama’s seconds. Simply impressive.

And last, but certainly in no way fucking least…MACAULAY CULKIN! BAM! BAM! TRIPLE BAM!!! Who the hell saw this coming? Apparently Macaulay and Mila have been dating since ‘02. How is this not more of a prevalent news item? How did we know Gary Coleman got married and we didn’t know this? Most importantly, does this mean Culkin gets laid? We’d have to assume after six years he’s closed the deal. Then again, it is Culkin.

(Note: For those of you looking for Kutcher to make an appearance on this list, he apparently spent his formidable years dating old ladies with superior muscle tone to his own. That’s just how the Kutch rolls.)

Now for the Mila Slidshow:

Mila, the jailbait version. We prefer the new womanly version, but sometimes you have to cater to your audience.

What really goes down at sleepovers. We knew it.

Macaulay, using our foolproof combo of Booze and Faux Hawk to bag top notch tail. We definitely deserve some sort of licensing fee.

Mila, at the “Sarah Marshall” premiere, thanking Kristen Bell for being one of the few non-midget grown women on earth who is shorter than she is.

An afternoon in the backyard. Macaulay’s busy flipping burgers. Horseshoes is next.

Fun Facts on Mila:

Even though she’s the voice of Meg on “Family Guy” she’d never watched an episode before Macaulay made her. Weirdly enough, we didn’t even make this one up.

When asked if Ashton Kutcher is more or less annoying in real life, she replied, “Less annoying than what? Having diarrhea on an airplane?”

Mila attempted to pit Wilmer Vaderrama and Danny Masterson against each other when they both wanted to date her. Her plan totally backfired when the two decided to date each other instead.

She always refers to Topher Grace as Chris just to piss him off.

The deleted lesbian scene with Mila and Kristen Bell may or may not be featured on the “Sarah Marshall” Special Edition DVD. Keep your fingers crossed.

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