Kobe went for 49 last night, the Celtics remain on course to systematically dismantle the rest of the East, and Chris Paul might as well be delivering babies during timeouts of the Hornets/Mavs series, yet NFL news still dominates headlines and water cooler talk. And that’s before you even start talking draft.

Suck it Stern. Best of seven in the first round? You brought this on yourself.

5) Eli Gets Married. Hey, when the Super Bowl winning boy wonder quarterback gets prematurely hitched to a hot blond POA recently removed from the Ole Miss campus, how the hell are you supposed to concentrate on whether the Pistons can climb back from an 0-1 deficit?

4) Jared Allen to Minnesota. Because isn’t the irony of a team that’s quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson guaranteeing a white dude who plays on the D-Line 31 mil just a little more intriguing than Tracy McGrady’s inability to win a playoff game at this point?

3) T.O. Shows Up in a Porno. No matter how played out a pro sports personality is, them showing up in a porno is 100% the most sure fire way to garner some legitimate attention. If the Hawks really wanted some respect they would have made a cameo in the Zombie Strippers trailer.

2) The Chad Johnson Saga. Seriously, the Bengals doing everything within their power to keep the Bungles tradition alive is probably our favorite offseason happening. They’re so akin to that slutty chick from high school who tried to give FCA a whirl but in the end couldn’t help herself it’s startling. Why Iverson had to mellow out with age is beyond us.

1) Rain Clouds Over Dallas. You knew it. You asked for it. More Pac-Man Baby! Blinky, Inky, and Pinky can eat a dong. We’re convinced Jerry Jones made this move just to get the forty person ESPN draft crew to discuss the Cowboys twice as much as they planned to this weekend. Also, it never hurts to divert some attention from your quarterback being a lameass cake sharer.

Stern, we suggest you keep your fingers crossed that Kobe gets a little bored when the Lakers make their trip into Colorado. You know what we’re talking about.

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