If you’re new to NextRound, last year I got fired from my job, which turned out to be an awesome story, but rather detrimental to my financial well being. After almost a year of unemployment I’ve finally landed a new gig.Let that sink in for a moment. Let it marinate. Let the shock subside…

Alright, now let’s continue.

While I wasn’t looking for a job I accomplished a lot.

1) I ate a ton of McDonald’s (because it’s cheap and delicious), which in turn made me pretty fat, like 230 lbs.

2) That’s about it…I wish I could say I did something productive over the last year, like learn a foreign language or something, but if you think I would put that kind of effort into anything useful you obviously haven’t been paying attention or you’re a new reader.

Everyone wants to know one thing: How did I survive financially?

Well, I haven’t made a nickel off this damn website (Maske won’t let me look at the books) and I haven’t seen any return on investment from Palace on a Lake (although I anticipate that changing very shortly). So I did what any red blood American would do: I lit up my credit card and scraped by on a couple good nights at the poker tables.

My lifestyle was pretty basic. I slept about 13 hours a day, ate fast food, and watched A LOT OF TiVO. I guess I could have exercised, but that thought never crossed my mind.

I did learn something useful during my unemployment though, I look way better on paper. When I actually show up in person I’m kind of a disappointment. I realized my academic accomplishments don’t exactly match my personality. Apparently I don’t “exude enthusiasm” in job interviews. That’s probably because I think work sucks balls, but whatever.

Eventually, I did land a job as an attorney. Now, I slave for the man. And it does, in fact, suck balls.

Wanna know what really eats dong about working? Good, because I made a list:

A) When you’re walking the floor of your office and you accidentally catch a mammoth war pig bending over at her desk and get an unwanted thong shot. That seriously happened to me on my second day. It took everything I had not to go make a cup of coffee and then quit.

B) Answering to somebody. Anybody. Especially that douchebag who really wants to mentor you. If only that poor bastard knew how bad you want to punch him in the face.

C) Having to listen to that guy who thinks he knows everything spout off because you are subordinate to him. I am deadly serious when I say that this guy motivates me to work hard because I want to jump him on the totem poll and then fire his dipshit ass.

There is one good thing about working, though:

A paycheck. The most difficult thing about working for NextRound and managing Cool & Tough Racing is not knowing where the next dollar is coming from. Even when I went on a bit of a run at the poker tables I had to worry that I might eat a bad McNugget and end up in the hospital with no insurance and only a couple hundred bucks in my checking account. Now I have security, but I think most people would agree if they weren’t being paid the last thing on earth they would be doing is whatever they do to make a living…So now I’m the same as everybody else, I work from 8 AM to 5 PM. I don’t have to lose sleep at night over a potential McNugget tragedy because I have an HMO. Someone told me I’m lucky because my insurance premium is “pre-tax”. What. The. Fuck. Ever. I don’t feel lucky. I feel like I just got life and the only crime I ever committed was being awesome.

My one glimmer of hope is that I’ve been down this road before and it had a kick ass ending. And some coffee.

Previous Happily Hungover:

• When Acting Cool & Tough Goes Bad
• Booth Wakes Up Early, Shock to System
• Booth Goes on an Interview
• Saturday Running Diary
• What Monday Is Like

“Happily Hungover” is Booth’s column chronicling the life and times of NextRound’s Marketing Director/Resident Couch Dweller.

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