Punch In The Face Friday: If Only Arlen Specter Had A Viagra Prescription
May 16th, 2008 by NextRound
We can all agree that “Spy Gate” is the worst. The fucking worst. Worse than E! reality shows. Worse than jury duty. Worse than Peta. Worse than that dude from Econ who cocked blocked you junior year thinking he was being funny (what a douche that guy was).
The name is even the worst. Spy Gate. Sounds like a straight-to-DVD Jean Claude Van Damme movie. Next person we hear use “Spy Gate” in a sentence is having their girlfriend slept with.
And to make worse matters even worse, you’ve got Arlen Specter. The one person standing in the way of NFL fans resuming their peaceful, ignorant, fantasy football obsessing existences. Specter’s just like the dude from Econ, except he’s an elected official, and gets media coverage, and his balls sag down to his shins.
If only Specter was into hookers and had a high dosage Viagra prescription. The world (the sports world, anyway) would be a much better place for all of us right now. If Specter popped Viagra with his morning coffee:
- He’d realize how insignificant marginal cheating in professional sports is in comparison to the ability to nab young intern poon despite looking like a day old corpse.
- Our televisions and radios wouldn’t be subjecting us to copious amounts of retarded “analyst” and former NFL player opinions on a subject that no one gives a shit about.
- Specter would be too preoccupied with consulting with his doctor over 4-hour erections to hold press conferences.
Senator Specter, please go away. Stay out of sports. Get a hobby. Something to pass the time. Like maybe immigration. Or campaign reform. Or at the very least start banging a transvestite. Trust us, that is WAY more time consuming than you’d realize.
The point is you’re old with too much time on your hands. And that’s pretty much the blanket description of every person who ruins something that’s good in this country. Feel free to spend today punching yourself in the face.
Previous Editions of PITFF:
- Ashton Kutcher, Lifetime Achievement in Punchability
- David Blain and His Lung Capacity
- Deconstructing Chad Johnson
- Benji Madden
- Scott Storch
“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s exposé on the shittiest people of the week. Click here to check out the PITFF archives. Click here to email us a nominee.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Glad he took his Eagles pom poms off before the press conference. Seriously, is there a worse state in the union than Pennsylvania? I mean come on, Scranton? Wilkes Barre? Harrisburg?? Even New Jersey at least has ‘The Shore’. And I’ve been to both Pittsburgh and Philadelphia… I’m pretty sure any elected official would have no problem finding a whole slew of more important issues worth fixing in either one, like a public service announcement telling women Aquanet and big bangs went out of style back in the 80’s…
May 16th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I just wanted to say that I agree 100%. I don’t get it. Nothing illegal happened here right? There are no drugs involved. So WTF does the government need to step in for. If I make up a game in my backyard and then break one of my own rules that I made up am I going to face legal consequences? Specter is a total stain.