Hump Day: Maria Sharapova
May 21st, 2008 by NextRound
We realize 9 out of 10 NextRound readers are hardcore Women’s Tennis junkies, so please indulge us as we catch up the other 10% on all things Sharapova.
Sharapova: Russian for So hot right now.
She’s ranked #1 in the world thanks to the early retirement of Justine Henin, she’s about to enter the French Open (the only major she hasn’t won), and she can wing a football better than half the quarterbacks on scholarship at your alma mater (video below).
She’s also aging nicely, definitely looking less boyish and more womanly (probably why Maxim now thinks Danica Patrick is the hotter female athlete). Maria pretty much has attractiveness cornered in the tennis world (as long as Rafael Nadal is not in the equation, of course).
If you think about it, Sharapova is hands down the biggest benefactor from the Anna Kournikova experiment. Sure, you don’t have the urge to desecrate her quite as much as you did with Anna, but Anna set the bar so low from a tennis ability/Latin pop singer standpoint, Maria was set to succeed. Way to take advantage sweetheart.
Maria’s Hump Day Bio
Age: 21
Born In: Russia
Resides In: Bradenton, FL. Hometown of Team Cool & Tough’s very own Old Balls SMac. He once broke into Maria’s house just so he could say he took a dump in her bathroom.
Height: Probably taller than you flat-footed. Definitely taller than you in heels (she’d be wearing the heels, not you).
Figure: Toned.
Probability That She’s Better Than You at Everything: High.
How Far You’d Emasculate Yourself to Bang Her: Getting a WTA bumper sticker and pretending to be into A-Cups.
Famous For: Being good at tennis. Grunting without grossing you out. Not being scared to cash an endorsement check. Having her ass licked (figuratively, we think) by the mainstream media.
Other Tennis Chicks She’s Way Hotter Than (And Therefore More Relevant): Lindsay Davenport, Mary Pierce, Venus Williams, Kim Clijsters, Justine Henin, Serena Williams, and Jennifer Capriati.
Her Fantasy Career Ambition: Complete the Grand Slam, retire at 28, run her apparel/cosmetics/tennis instruction empire.
Her Realistic Career Expectation: Complete the Grand Slam, retire at 28, go to work for ESPN.
Dudes She’s Been Linked To:
- Andy Roddick. Seems like a nice enough guy, but are we the only ones who have a tough time believing this dude is 6′2″? He looks like he could have been cast as Samwise Gamgee.
- Adam Levine. Tell us this guy’s exact location and we’ll have someone drive over and kick the shit out of him.
- Cristiano Ronaldo. This dude 100% hit and quit it. In Europe chicks start removing their pants once they’re in a twenty mile radius of Ronaldo.
As Promised, Maria Tossing the Football:
And Our Handpicked Gallery:
Happy Hump Day!
[Sources: Wikipedia, Busted Coverage]
Previous Editions of Hump Day:
“Hump Day” is NextRound’s weekly segment featuring pretty ladies you should get to know. Click here to check out previous editions.
