If You’re Single, Awesome, and Broke:

Hazy. Fatigued. Sunburnt. Like you need to get tested. Like you reek of Busch Light.

If You’re Single, Awesome, and Doing Very Well for Yourself:

Hazy. Fatigued. Like you should email that chick and recommend she get tested. Like you’ll probably get a call from Amex with regards to “suspicious levels of spending”.

If You’re Married and Broke:

Like your wife spent way more of your money than you anticipated.

If You’re Married and Doing Very Well for Yourself:

Like your wife spent way more of your money than you anticipated.

If You Have a Lot in Common with Steve Irony (i.e. You’ve Procreated):

Exhausted. Like community swimming pools should be outlawed. Like you should be featured in a Pro-Birth Control ad campaign. Like a hot Euro nanny would be a good idea on many different levels.

If You Spend Your Long Weekends Camping:

Recharged. Energetic. Puzzled as to how the guy who sits next to you at work thought it was a good idea to bathe in Busch Light.

If You Thought You Had a Shot at Banging That Hot Chick You’ve Been Sweating:

Disappointed. Unsure whether that chubby chick you settled on was over a deuce or not.

If You Were Already Prepared to Go After a Mediocre Chick:

Disappointed. Unsure whether that chubby chick you settled on was over a deuce and a half or not.

If You Spent the Weekend with the In-Laws:

Defeated. Like a former POW who knows he’s got another impending date behind enemy lines.

If You’re 28 and Think You Can Still Party Like You’re 22:

Concerned that calling in sick the day after Memorial Day looks suspicious.

If You’re a Sailor Who Ran Into Our Boy JB During Fleet Week:

Still stoked that some drunk asshole paid for all your drinks as an act of patriotism.

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