What we learned from the weekend that was…

The Triple Crown Is a C–k Tease. It might as well wear low cut shirts and get real handsy after a couple drinks. We should have known better than to anticipate greatness when we saw Rick Dutrow was capable of pitting through a blazer. Just absolutely no way the karma gods were letting that guy get through Saturday looking like anything other than an asshole.

Although Previously Deemed Impossible, Massholes Could Become Even More Insufferable. We’re spending this week rooting for Mamba and the Lakers. No offense to Garnett, Pierce, and everyone’s new favorite ex-homeless person, Leon Powe (suck on that Heather Mills), the National Guard is simply not prepared to deal with the extreme levels of Massholery that will result from Red Sox success compounded with a Celtics championship. It will be like the levies all over again.

Cedric Benson Thinks His Life Is a Fantasy Team. He can’t help but fuck it up. Getting busted for DUI weeks after claiming you don’t drink and the fuzz have it out for you is just a bad play on many, many different levels. Seriously, is the Chad Johnson School for Public Relations conducting online courses? How were we not notified?

Rafael Nadal Would Beat Jesus on Clay. The guy morphs into Chuck Norris in capri pants the second he steps on that dusty orange foundation. Federer didn’t stand a chance. The real shame here is Nadal has never given short stop a try. How no one in his camp has put that correlation together is beyond us.

Animated Jack Black > Live Action Adam Sandler. ‘Kung Fu Panda’ made roughly 60 mil this weekend as the masses backed an animated panda voiced by a played out comedian over a half baked hairstylist/Mossad agent played by a played out comedian. In other news, book sales are down.

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