As we mentioned at the beginning of the week, ‘The Incredible Hulk’ opens Friday and people generally have zero idea as to whether it’s going to suck or not. There are just too many questions to be answered before determining whether the movie will cross the proverbial cheesiness threshold into superhero sucktitude. Here are the five most frequent people find themselves asking:

1) Do I even like Ed Norton? On the one hand you have ‘Fight Club’, but on the other hand you have report after report of him being a self-aggrandizing jerk off who likes to claim he writes everything. Maybe he just suffers from a crippling case of insecurity, which is pretty understandable for someone who starred in ‘Death to Smoochy’.

2) Really? Liv Tyler? Really? I could have sworn that bitch is dead. Or maybe that’s just because she married the lead singer for Spacehog and that dude’s career is dead. Regardless, if she’s supposed to be meeting the eye candy quotient for this flick it could be on a collision course for disaster.

3) Gay cowboys, yes or no? Does Ang Lee have anything to do with this flick? Was he in the same room with it? Has he ever had sushi with Ed Norton? If I find out the new director has ever even taken a piss in a urinal next to Ang I’m out.

4) Is that…Mr. Orange? No shit? Tim Roth? Tim Roth is the villain? Did he fire his agent so he could start eating again or something? Welcome back.

5) Will I giggle at the Hulk? He’s big. He’s green. He’s computer generated. His pants are seemingly indestructible. Can I take him seriously? Will I find myself wondering why his dong doesn’t rip straight through polyester? Maybe if he smashes enough shit I can buy in.

Email This