Why It Was Awesome:

• Was an excellent compliment to pounding beers in the dorm prior to a night out of not getting laid.
• Kicked ass in both single mode or four player deathmatch.
• Complicated, but not need-to-be-Fred-Savage’s-brother-from-The-Wizard complicated.
• Discovering creative ways to kill your friends with an assortment of weapons is a good time.
• It reaffirmed what you always kind of knew: that you have a little Bond in your DNA.

What You Remember Most:

• Fake humping the Russian chick whenever you had a chance.
• Mercilessly slaughtering anyone who was new to the game and its deathmatch mode.
• Your buddy’s little brother who had played so much he knew where to plant all the proximity mines and make the game zero fun.
• How many fucking bullets the last boss could take.
• Offing the soldier who dropped his guard while taking a shit (totally brought it on himself):

Why You Can Never Go Back:

• You could earn your doctorate in the time it takes to learn to play today’s role playing games.
• You’re buddies don’t live next door anymore.
• You always swore you’d start paying for sex before you got a headset and played video games online.
• Your professor couldn’t do shit when you didn’t show up. Your boss can.
• Fake humping animated foreign chicks doesn’t carry the novelty it used to.

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