Since there’s not a GD thing on television right now we spent the time gaps between watching DVR’d Cinemax last night aimlessly channel surfing. And while doing so we discovered The Bachelorette still exists.

Now, we get The Bachelor and why it’s successful. The recipe is pretty simple:

• Attention-whoring pretty ladies desperate to get famous.
• One successful dude eager to take a run at banging them all.
• Primetime television.
• The alarmingly large contingent of the population who love all things reality.

But what we don’t get is when you flip parts of that formula around to create The Bachelorette. Where do these chicks that are eager to bang all the contestants hang out? And what dudes are so desperate to be on television that they’re willing to battle it out with a bunch of other guys to see who gets to win a monogamous relationship? It would defy logic for any of them not to be a debilitating goon. So with that in mind…

What people will infer about you when they find out you’re going on The Bachelorette:

• That beers with the fellas just isn’t your thing.

• That your applications to The Real World, Big Brother, Road Rules, Survivor, and The Apprentice were all turned down along with your application to be The Bachelor.

• That you pay for spray tans in three month increments.

• That you would have applied for The Amazing Race but couldn’t find the friend.

• That a career as a country club gigolo is never out of the realm of possibilities.

• That you can’t name all four teams in the NFC West.

• That you’re familiar with the interworkings of the South Beach Diet.

• That on more than one occasion someone has referred to you as “A two beer queer.”

• That back in school running for student office was kind of your thing.

• That you regularly fantasize about making the cover of People once you win…and are forced to propose to some chick who has just finished having game run on her by forty sweaty dudes.

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