With the Mets spending this week attempting to redefine ineptitude (highlighted by their newly promoted interim manager ranting about how his streetnesss) we’re concerned that far too many people are overlooking what a goon Hank Steinbrenner is. So we’re here to remind you.

We’re sure a handful of Yankee diehard delusionals out there support — and maybe even like — George’s kid, but if you’re a sports fan who doesn’t live your social life vicariously through Jeter then here are five reasons you should spend the summer loathing Hank Steinbrenner:

Reason #1: Nepotism. While it’s great when it works in your favor, and you have no issue with your buddy taking over his dad’s storage unit business, nepotism sucks ass in the sports and entertainment worlds. Or maybe you thought Sofia Coppola rocked in Godfather 3.

Reason #2: He’s Already Set The Joba Chamberlain Precedent. Nothing quite like the owner moaning and groaning until he gets his way with lineup decisions. But while this trait is undeniably annoying we have to admit we probably hold this the least against Hank. If it wasn’t for similar moaning and groaning we would never get laid.

Reason #3: “The National League Needs to Join the 21st Century.” So, since Chein-Ming Wang can’t do what hundreds of thousands of tee-ballers around the country successfully do on an everyday basis Hank decides the National League should completely alter their identity. Chien-Ming can’t use four syllable English words either, should we have them removed from Webster’s?

Reason #4: He’s a Rich Asshole.

Reason #5: ESPN Would Report on Him Describing a Shit He Took. There are plenty of rich assholes out there just like Hank. Luckily, we have the luxury of pretending just about all of them don’t exist, and when we are hit with the reality that they do exist we still have the luxury of trying to sleep with their daughters. But that’s not the case with Hank. When he douchily makes asinine comments about Red Sox Nation we have those douchy comments thrust on us like we give a damn. It’s brutal.

We guess what we’re getting at with all of this is: Does anyone know where his daughter hangs out on the weekends?

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Hulk Hogan Cheapens Our Childhood
• Rick Dutrow and His Quest to Ruin the Triple Crown for Us
• Joe Simpson Proves Douchiness Has No Age Limit
• Nick Cannon’s Play for Relevance
• If Only Arlen Specter Had a Viagra Prescription

Punch in the Face Friday is our weekly segment dedicated to mocking the person who sucked the most in any given week. Click here to check out the PITFF archives. Click here to email us a nominee.

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