This time of year we like to do everything in our power to make baseball interesting. Stuff, like, you know, going through all 30 team rosters and determining which players’ names sound particularly porn-ish.
Here are our favorites, divided into three convenient categories:
Wouldn’t Flinch If You Saw Their Name in the Opening Credits
1) Boof Bonser. Twins pitcher.
2) Grady Sizemore. Indians center fielder.
3) Nick Swisher. White Sox center fielder.
4) Chase Headley. Padres left fielder.
5) Boone Logan. White Sox pitcher.
6) Lyle Overbay. Blue Jays first baseman.
7) Brian Bocock. Giants shortstop.
8 ) Huston Street. A’s pitcher.
9) Kerry Wood. Cubs pitcher.
10) Corky Miller. Braves catcher.
11) Coco Crisp. Red Sox center fielder.
12) Ben Sheets. Brewers pitcher.
13) Brian Bannister. Royals pitcher.
14) Trot Nixon. Mets right fielder.
15) Matt Stairs. Blue Jays DH.
16) Dan Uggla. Marlins second baseman.
17) Chase Utley. Phillies second baseman.
18) Willy Mo Pena. Nationals left fielder.
19) Andy Pettite. Yankees pitcher.
20) Adam Eaton. Phillies pitcher
Guys with Their Own Film Series
21) Carl Crawford. Rays left fielder and star of the Hot Carl Crawford series.
22) Scott Proctor. Dodgers pitcher and star of The Proctologist Appointment trilogy.
23) Freddy Sanchez. Pirates second baseman and star of The Many Sluts Who Love Dirty Sanchez.
24) Kosuke Fukudome. Cubs right fielder and star of several Japanese titles. (Trust us, Fukudome in Japanese is just as dirty as it sounds.)
25) Roy Corcoran. Mariners pitcher and star of Corking Co-eds with Roy Corcoran.
26) B.J. Upton. Rays center fielder and star of Upton Goes Downtown.
27) Alex Cora. Red Sox second baseman and star of all ten Cored Out titles.
May Have Already Dabbled in the Industry
28) Elijah Dukes. Nationals center fielder. Dude impregnates 17 year-old foster children so we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he’s made a trip on set.
29) Jonathan Papelbon. Red Sox pitcher. We’re fully convinced the Pap is capable of just about anything.
30) Pudge Rodriguez. Tigers catcher. Just not the kind we’re into.
The MLB just got a bit more interesting.
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Busted Coverage: Booze, Ladies And Football » Daily Dump: Clipper Cheerleaders Have Fun, Eagles Cheerleaders Go Green, Jews Take Over All-Star Game And Veronique de Kock says:
June 24th, 2008 at 6:46 am
[...] This might be a stretch but we’ll bite: Top 30 MLB porn names [NextRound] [...]
cuzzy says:
June 24th, 2008 at 8:23 am
great list, will share that one.
Natty B says:
June 24th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Boof gets me every time. I will always think of Teen Wolf when I hear that name.
Henjc63 says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:23 am
What about Rollie Fingers?
SMac says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Brian Bocock should’ve been #1. that name is AWESOME.
Mike says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Dick Pole doesn’t make the list??? He’s on the Reds coaching staff
I thought the list was made around him
NextRound says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Dick Pole may get his own article.
bc says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:38 am
no pujols? c’mon!
jimmy says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
what about the reds pitching coach Dick Pole
Sean says:
June 24th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
C,mon you can’t leave Poo-holes off the list!
Andrew says:
June 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
He’s no Dick Pole, but his name and job description are pure smutty goodness: White Sox third base coach Jeff Cox.
Dan says:
June 24th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Rocky Cherry?
Rob says:
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Kansas City Royals first base coach, Rusty Kuntz…
Dick Pole and Rusty Kuntz starring in…
Hottest Girls of Myspace - Today's Twenty: The Euro Strip Off, AVP Volleyball Tour, and the Shaq Rap | says:
June 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
[...] The Top 30 Porn Names in Baseball - [Next Round] [...]
Rolling a blog joint - June 24 | Cuzoogle says:
June 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
[...] Picture of the national staring contest champ. College OTR - Check out the Miss Boston 2008 contest. NextRound.net - Top 30 porn names in MLB. The Beer Goggler - Hot Liz Hurley pictures, been [...]
Ray says:
June 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
RANDY JOHNSON. COME ON. RANDY JOHNSON
Andy says:
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
lol good work man. Im just pissed I didnt think of it first!
dick butkus says:
June 24th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
FAIL.
Martin says:
June 24th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
These are good…it’s too bad Chubby Cox never played baseball
He Kisses Her on the Strikes, She Kisses Him on the Balls | BatsBabesBeer.com says:
June 24th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
[...] Nextround.net posted the “Top 30 Porn Names in Major League Baseball”. BatsBabesBeer’s personal favorite hails from one of those Asian countries. Welcome to the “Fuku-dome”! Check out the entire list…here. [...]
Chris says:
June 24th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Rusty Kuntz the old TIgers player and current Royals coach!
Em says:
June 24th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Another good one not in the article, Mariners pitcher R.A. Dickey
Fran says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
What about Fukudome
Marden says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Will Clark isn’t a funny porn name but their actually is a Porn Star named Will Clark.
iii says:
June 25th, 2008 at 1:53 am
ehhh, what about former pitcher “dick starr”? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Starr
The Fine Art of Eccentricity · Apparently bouncing boobs can generate power. Who knew? Well… says:
June 25th, 2008 at 2:53 am
[...] 25, 2008 in Internet Links The top 30 porn names… in Major League Baseball. Sah-WING [...]
Horton Schnitzel says:
June 25th, 2008 at 6:18 am
How could your list NOT include Randy Johnson?
WilkeVP says:
June 25th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Dude, you forgot #20 and put in 2-#28’s. Just thought I’d be a dick and post that.
NextRound says:
June 25th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Fixed it. Nice attention to detail.
Keith says:
June 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Chien-Ming Wang could be coached by Dick Pole.
Dan S. says:
June 25th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
How about former Astro Dickie Thon?
jason says:
June 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
no Tim Lincecum??? c’mon
Pete LaCock says:
June 25th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
How could you forget me, former MLB great Pete LaCock?
A says:
June 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
How could anyone miss Jon Coutlangus?
Top 30 Porn Names In Major League Baseball : The DC Feed says:
June 25th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
[...] Nextround.Net decided to have some fun by going through all 30 major league baseball rosters and finding player names that sound kind of like pornstars. [...]
JDS says:
June 25th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Ahem:
Rusty Kuntz?
petezahead says:
June 26th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Rocco Baldelli is a classic porn name….. he could be on the porn DL right about now though
Eat it says:
June 26th, 2008 at 12:04 am
LAME! Oh my God, so lame.
How have we not talked about Wipeout? « Reversiblepanda’s Weblog says:
June 26th, 2008 at 8:21 am
[...] Top 30 porn names in baseball Posted by reversiblepanda Filed in Uncategorized ·Tags: baseball, dr. steel, i survived a japanese gameshow, neave, porn name, Requiem for a day off, simpsons, verne troyer, wipeout, wonder woman [...]
Darering Parties » Blog Archive » Today’s Twenty: The Euro Strip Off, AVP Volleyball Tour, and the Shaq Rap says:
June 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
[...] The Top 30 Porn Names in Baseball - [Next Round] [...]
HealthyScratch says:
June 27th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
… then there is one-time STL Cardinal Stubby Clapp.
dickymoe says:
June 29th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Uhh - HELLO! Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson! How on earth is this left out?
The Comedy Feed » Other Things We Found Mildly Interesting Today says:
August 25th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
[...] The best porn names in baseball. [...]
I got a Giants Tim Lincecum Jersey says:
March 25th, 2009 at 3:52 am
As a far-away (Netherlands) Giants fan, I am always looking for new sites with Giants information.
Ryan says:
April 12th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
This one had me laughing…fun read. Anyone want to bet baseball should check out BetSportsWeb.
Leandro Vieira Steffen says:
April 26th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
SOY HOMO
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