Top 30 Porn Names In Major League Baseball
June 24th, 2008 by NextRound
This time of year we like to do everything in our power to make baseball interesting. Stuff, like, you know, going through all 30 team rosters and determining which players’ names sound particularly porn-ish.
Here are our favorites, divided into three convenient categories:
Wouldn’t Flinch If You Saw Their Name in the Opening Credits
1) Boof Bonser. Twins pitcher.
2) Grady Sizemore. Indians center fielder.
3) Nick Swisher. White Sox center fielder.
4) Chase Headley. Padres left fielder.
5) Boone Logan. White Sox pitcher.
6) Lyle Overbay. Blue Jays first baseman.
7) Brian Bocock. Giants shortstop.
8 ) Huston Street. A’s pitcher.
9) Kerry Wood. Cubs pitcher.
10) Corky Miller. Braves catcher.
11) Coco Crisp. Red Sox center fielder.
12) Ben Sheets. Brewers pitcher.
13) Brian Bannister. Royals pitcher.
14) Trot Nixon. Mets right fielder.
15) Matt Stairs. Blue Jays DH.
16) Dan Uggla. Marlins second baseman.
17) Chase Utley. Phillies second baseman.
18) Willy Mo Pena. Nationals left fielder.
19) Andy Pettite. Yankees pitcher.
20) Adam Eaton. Phillies pitcher
Guys with Their Own Film Series
21) Carl Crawford. Rays left fielder and star of the Hot Carl Crawford series.
22) Scott Proctor. Dodgers pitcher and star of The Proctologist Appointment trilogy.
23) Freddy Sanchez. Pirates second baseman and star of The Many Sluts Who Love Dirty Sanchez.
24) Kosuke Fukudome. Cubs right fielder and star of several Japanese titles. (Trust us, Fukudome in Japanese is just as dirty as it sounds.)
25) Roy Corcoran. Mariners pitcher and star of Corking Co-eds with Roy Corcoran.
26) B.J. Upton. Rays center fielder and star of Upton Goes Downtown.
27) Alex Cora. Red Sox second baseman and star of all ten Cored Out titles.
May Have Already Dabbled in the Industry
28) Elijah Dukes. Nationals center fielder. Dude impregnates 17 year-old foster children so we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he’s made a trip on set.
29) Jonathan Papelbon. Red Sox pitcher. We’re fully convinced the Pap is capable of just about anything.
30) Pudge Rodriguez. Tigers catcher. Just not the kind we’re into.
The MLB just got a bit more interesting.
Week 7 Picks:
Top 5 Entering Week 6:
June 24th, 2008 at 6:46 am
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June 24th, 2008 at 8:23 am
great list, will share that one.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Boof gets me every time. I will always think of Teen Wolf when I hear that name.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:23 am
What about Rollie Fingers?
June 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Brian Bocock should’ve been #1. that name is AWESOME.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Dick Pole doesn’t make the list??? He’s on the Reds coaching staff
I thought the list was made around him
June 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Dick Pole may get his own article.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:38 am
no pujols? c’mon!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
what about the reds pitching coach Dick Pole
June 24th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
C,mon you can’t leave Poo-holes off the list!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
He’s no Dick Pole, but his name and job description are pure smutty goodness: White Sox third base coach Jeff Cox.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Rocky Cherry?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Kansas City Royals first base coach, Rusty Kuntz…
Dick Pole and Rusty Kuntz starring in…
June 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
RANDY JOHNSON. COME ON. RANDY JOHNSON
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
lol good work man. Im just pissed I didnt think of it first!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
FAIL.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
These are good…it’s too bad Chubby Cox never played baseball
June 24th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
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June 24th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Rusty Kuntz the old TIgers player and current Royals coach!
June 24th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Another good one not in the article, Mariners pitcher R.A. Dickey
June 24th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
What about Fukudome
June 24th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Fuck you, do me?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Will Clark isn’t a funny porn name but their actually is a Porn Star named Will Clark.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:53 am
ehhh, what about former pitcher “dick starr”? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Starr
June 25th, 2008 at 2:53 am
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June 25th, 2008 at 6:18 am
How could your list NOT include Randy Johnson?
June 25th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Dude, you forgot #20 and put in 2-#28’s. Just thought I’d be a dick and post that.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Fixed it. Nice attention to detail.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Chien-Ming Wang could be coached by Dick Pole.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
How about former Astro Dickie Thon?
June 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
no Tim Lincecum??? c’mon
June 25th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
How could you forget me, former MLB great Pete LaCock?
June 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
How could anyone miss Jon Coutlangus?
June 25th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
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June 25th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Ahem:
Rusty Kuntz?
June 26th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Rocco Baldelli is a classic porn name….. he could be on the porn DL right about now though
June 26th, 2008 at 12:04 am
LAME! Oh my God, so lame.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:21 am
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June 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
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June 27th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
… then there is one-time STL Cardinal Stubby Clapp.
June 29th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Uhh - HELLO! Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson! How on earth is this left out?
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