12 Types Of College Football Seasons As Defined By Will Smith Movies
July 2nd, 2008 by NextRound
If you’re like us and breathe college football you spend this time of year reading Phil Steele and thinking up new ways to analyze your alma mater’s upcoming season.
Your school could be thoroughly dominate. Your school could suck out loud. Either way the one true constant is that you’ll keep coming back. The whole phenomenon is a lot like Will Smith’s career (up until the day he officially announces he’s a Scientologist, of course).
So we’ve developed this convenient new system to define the type of season your team is capable of having:
The Bad Boys Season
A surprise ten win season for a team led by unproven but highly recruited players. No one thought you’d be terrible, but no one thought you’d be this good either.
Think: West Virginia in ‘05.
2008 Potential: Oregon, Minnesota, Washington, North Carolina.
The Independence Day Season
A dominant season for a team playing a laughable schedule. Public perception has nothing to do with substance and everything to do with dropping 60 on cupcakes.
Think: Last year’s Ohio State squad.
2008 Potential: West Virginia, Clemson, Ohio State.
The Enemy of the State Season
An underappreciated season for an underappreciated team. Solid contributors all around, young and old, many of whom continue to make a name for themselves in the league.
Think: Miami 2000.
2008 Potential: Auburn, Texas.
The Men in Black Season
A team everyone knows will kill. And they do — in fact — kill. Anyone can find a hole to poke, but when it’s all said and done the school is a favorite in every sense of the word.
Think: USC 2004.
2008 Potential: Georgia, Florida, USC.
The Ali Season
A trip to the Capital One Bowl for a team considered to be preseason top ten by most publications.
Think: Michigan last year.
2008 Potential: Missouri, LSU.
The Wild Wild West Season
An unmitigated disaster. A team everyone knows is going to suck. And surprise! They do suck. Your co-eds get uglier as the year progresses.
Think: Duke every year.
2008 Potential: Michigan, Virginia, Duke this year.
The Hitch Season
A feel good season for a team no one gives a shit about.
Think: Boise State and the Statue of Liberty play.
2008 Potential: BYU, Wake Forest, Fresno State.
The I Am Legend Season
A good but not great season where a team is carried almost entirely by one player.
Think: Boston College and Matt Ryan.
2008 Potential: Illinois and Juice Williams.
The Bad Boys II Season
A heartbreakingly shitty effort following up tremendous success.
Think: Florida State and Miami for most of the decade.
2008 Potential: Kansas, Hawaii, Virginia Tech.
The Bagger Vance Season
A losing campaign despite the media’s attempts to convince the public prior to the season that a team can’t be that bad.
Think: Notre Dame during the Jimmy Clausen era.
2008 Potential: Penn State and any team led by this haircut.
The Six Degrees of Separation Season
A special category reserved for any and all Ivy League teams, regardless of year and/or record.
The Hancock Season
To be determined. It will most likely involve a well-intentioned and talented group attempting to do too far much and getting in their own way, like running an NFL playbook when the Wing-T will do.
Now take this knowledge and determine the two or three different types of seasons your school could have. It should at least kill a couple of hours, getting you that much closer to Labor Day weekend.
(Closing Editor’s Note: Be prepared for copious amounts of gay porn if you ever Google Image search “Bad Boys”. Just a friendly warning)
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Whoever wrote this is an idiot. Look at September 13th when Ohio State goes to USC. I would like to see Florida, LSU or any other of those SEC teams grow the stones to do that. Not only will Ohio State go to USC they are going to crush them, then we’ll cruise to a 3rd consecutive championship game, while the rest of the country cries. Which will be the only thing left for you all to do.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
So that they can lose to UGA or Florida(again)?
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Laugh our asses off when Ohio gets spanked in a bowl again this year?
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I did not see the correlation between those movies and half the examples. Maybe over my head.
Ohio state does suck though, better topic than Will Smith.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Maybe OSU wouldnt have played in the national championship game if a handful of other teams didnt blow it in the last two weeks of the season. Mizzou, Oklahoma, WVU, Kansas, and Oregon all come to mind. Not saying those teams were better than LSU, but they were more deserving of the title shot until they shot themselves in the foot. OSU had an extremely young team on both sides of the ball and it wasnt even supposed to be their year to compete.
Also, who did Florida lose to in their bowl game? Was it Michigan, the same team who lost to Appalachian State?
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:48 am
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July 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 am
everyone knows that the sec is the best thats why osu could not beat us and in 04 when auburn got f**ked out of going to the national championship they would have beat the crap out of usc
July 5th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Len, Len Len… Ohio State sucks 27 different kinds of dick if you hadn’t noticed in the last few seasons. I know you thick headed Buckeye fans take awhile to really understand things, but let me hold your hand and explain something to you. This should clear things right up, dont you worry your little brain. I do remember Arkansas playing USC, and the Trojans dominated. Last year USC crushed Illinois with hardly half the amount of effort it takes for a person to flex their pinky. Ohio State on the other hand, couldn’t handle the Fighting Illini. If anyone thinks that this horrible, cupcake conference, choke hard like Jenna Jamison in a porno gangbang, blow every big game they’re in besides against the Big Blue Ohio State team can beat USC… youre kidding yourself. USC will beat them by 3 scores. Id put the Trojans up against anybody. They could beat half the teams in the NFL.
July 21st, 2008 at 3:33 pm
The Big 10 sucks donkey balls.