If you’re like us and breathe college football you spend this time of year reading Phil Steele and thinking up new ways to analyze your alma mater’s upcoming season.

Your school could be thoroughly dominate. Your school could suck out loud. Either way the one true constant is that you’ll keep coming back. The whole phenomenon is a lot like Will Smith’s career (up until the day he officially announces he’s a Scientologist, of course).

So we’ve developed this convenient new system to define the type of season your team is capable of having:

The Bad Boys Season

A surprise ten win season for a team led by unproven but highly recruited players. No one thought you’d be terrible, but no one thought you’d be this good either.

Think: West Virginia in ‘05.

2008 Potential: Oregon, Minnesota, Washington, North Carolina.

The Independence Day Season

A dominant season for a team playing a laughable schedule. Public perception has nothing to do with substance and everything to do with dropping 60 on cupcakes.

Think: Last year’s Ohio State squad.

2008 Potential: West Virginia, Clemson, Ohio State.

The Enemy of the State Season

An underappreciated season for an underappreciated team. Solid contributors all around, young and old, many of whom continue to make a name for themselves in the league.

Think: Miami 2000.

2008 Potential: Auburn, Texas.

The Men in Black Season

A team everyone knows will kill. And they do — in fact — kill. Anyone can find a hole to poke, but when it’s all said and done the school is a favorite in every sense of the word.

Think: USC 2004.

2008 Potential: Georgia, Florida, USC.

The Ali Season

A trip to the Capital One Bowl for a team considered to be preseason top ten by most publications.

Think: Michigan last year.

2008 Potential: Missouri, LSU.

The Wild Wild West Season

An unmitigated disaster. A team everyone knows is going to suck. And surprise! They do suck. Your co-eds get uglier as the year progresses.

Think: Duke every year.

2008 Potential: Michigan, Virginia, Duke this year.

The Hitch Season

A feel good season for a team no one gives a shit about.

Think: Boise State and the Statue of Liberty play.

2008 Potential: BYU, Wake Forest, Fresno State.

The I Am Legend Season

A good but not great season where a team is carried almost entirely by one player.

Think: Boston College and Matt Ryan.

2008 Potential: Illinois and Juice Williams.

The Bad Boys II Season

A heartbreakingly shitty effort following up tremendous success.

Think: Florida State and Miami for most of the decade.

2008 Potential: Kansas, Hawaii, Virginia Tech.

The Bagger Vance Season

A losing campaign despite the media’s attempts to convince the public prior to the season that a team can’t be that bad.

Think: Notre Dame during the Jimmy Clausen era.

2008 Potential: Penn State and any team led by this haircut.

The Six Degrees of Separation Season

A special category reserved for any and all Ivy League teams, regardless of year and/or record.

The Hancock Season

To be determined. It will most likely involve a well-intentioned and talented group attempting to do too far much and getting in their own way, like running an NFL playbook when the Wing-T will do.

Now take this knowledge and determine the two or three different types of seasons your school could have. It should at least kill a couple of hours, getting you that much closer to Labor Day weekend.

(Closing Editor’s Note: Be prepared for copious amounts of gay porn if you ever Google Image search “Bad Boys”. Just a friendly warning)

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