The new Hellboy movie opens Friday. For all we know it could be the greatest film ever made, but if you’re like us there’s something about a massive red-skinned superhero played by the guy from the Beauty and the Beast TV series you have a tough time taking seriously. Some characters should probably just remain animated. Here are eight other live action superheroes you couldn’t take seriously…
Ben Affleck as Daredevil - There might be someone out there who could have pulled off this outfit, but it most certainly was not Affleck. He looked like a middle aged lawyer who accidentally wandered out of his dominatrix’s bedroom. Slight correlation between this role and Affleck’s shrinking relevance as an actor.
The Thing from Fantastic Four - The first two seasons of The Shield are some of the best television ever made, but Michael Chiklis dressed in an orange rock outfit designed by the special effects crew from your local high school made a crappy movie even crappier.
Halley Berry as Catwoman - Seriously, couldn’t we have squeezed out like twenty more Swordfish-esque topless scenes for what it cost to pay Halle Berry to look like a hot mental patient in this getup?
Robin from Batman Forever - Any way you slice it Robin is super gay. Thank god for Chris Nolan and the new Batman movies or we’d still be having nightmares about Chris O’Donnell saving us from a spandex clad Jim Carrey.
Hulk from Hulk - Not only did Ang Lee Brokeback up the first Hulk movie, he also hired the CGI guys from Phantom Menace to design the Hulk.
The Beast from X-Men: The Last Stand - Kelsey Grammar as a furry blue mutant scientist? What could go wrong? F U Brett Ratner.
Batgirl from Batman & Robin - Alicia Silverstone had her moments and all, but if you’re going to throw together something this laughable don’t you at least cast a porn star?
Billy Zane as The Phantom - Who the Phantom is or what he does outside of going to Halloween parties dressed as a life size purple dildo we’re not sure. We do know these three things though: 1) Billy Zane got paid to wear this on top of a white horse, 2) He still inexplicably bangs Kelly Brook, and 3) He was not too ashamed to autograph this picture. Mr. Zane, you have our utmost respect.
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