It’s well documented that former Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry is pretty much the worst person on the planet not currently plotting a terrorist attack (but don’t discount that he could actually be plotting a terrorist attack). He falls into that category of people we avoid writing about because this segment is “Punch in the Face Friday”, not “Decapitation Friday”.

But with this week’s news that Henry — at age 25 — has already blown through the 2.5 million he made during his NFL career and is now seeking taxpayer money to help pay the legal fees for his current trial we can’t help ourselves.

That’s right. No money. Not a fucking dime. 2.5 mil gone. Welfare broke. He’s already lost his 360K house to foreclosure (hasn’t paid his mortgage since May) and his SUV to repossession (no word on whether he got to keep his spinners).

Bills be hard.

So when you add up:

1. The mind-numbingly reckless financial management,
2. Henry’s criminal record (seriously worth a read if you’ve got this afternoon free), AND:
3. The squandering of athletic talent.

You pretty much find yourself wishing Dexter wasn’t a fictional character on cable.

Then again, parking valets are primadonnas. We’re sure the one Henry assaulted was totally asking for it. So sure in fact we’d like to help pick up some of Chris’s legal bill.

Sources:

• Wikipedia
• Henry Is Broke, Lawyer Claims [Cincinnati.com]
• Bengals Paid Chris Henry $2.5 Million, Now He’s Broke [FanHouse]
• Bengals’ Henry Threatened Valet Attendant, Police Say [WLWT.com]

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Mario Lopez and the Three Different Ways to Suck
• Five Reasons Hank Steinbrenner Sucks
• Hulk Hogan Cheapens Our Childhood
• Rick Dutrow and His Quest to Ruin the Triple Crown for Us
• Joe Simpson Proves Douchiness Has No Age Limit

Punch in the Face Friday is our weekly rant about people who sucked who sucked the most in any given week. Click here to check out the PITFF archives. Click here to email us a nominee.

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