With The Dark Knight opening to crippling ragers across the country in a few days we thought we’d start the week off with our own obligatory Batman list. But then we took a look around and realized that even catfancy.com has made one. And since we pride ourselves in our solid record of not just jumping into things just because other people are (read: losing virginity) we’ve decided to make our own Batman list about Batman lists. Let that marinate for a second.

We now have dibs on all of these. Suck it.

10 Batman Lists That Should Be Made

1) Real Life Situations Where a Utility Belt Would Come in Handy. Just about every one we can think of involves us bumping into an ex-girlfriend who we forgot to tell we broke up.

2) Battle Royale: The Guys Who Played Batman vs. The Guys Who Played Bond. Who ya got? Kilmer and Dalton would of course go down early, while — in our estimation — Keaton would have surprising staying power.

3) What Bruce Wayne’s Dating Resume Would Look Like. This unparalleled list of Hollywood tail would make Derek Jeter’s resume look like Clay Aiken’s.

4) The Best and Worst of the Batmobile. Hardcore and super lame renditions of the quintessential superhero vehicle, including grades for “fuel efficiency” and “road head ease” on each version.

5) Reasons Why Clooney Sucked More Than Kilmer at Being Batman. Delving into one of the great modern mysteries.

6) Real Life Two-Faces: Famous Chicks Who May or May Not Be Hot. Where does everyone stand on Mena Suvari?

7) Eerie Similarities Between Bruce Wayne and Patrick Bateman. Goes even deeper than alter egos and an appreciation for 80’s classics.

8 ) The Best and Worst of Batman Villain Henchman. Joel Schumacher should be relegated to directing amateur porn after filming goons on ice skates.

9) The Hottest Chicks of Batman. We’re probably going to put this one together for tomorrow, mainly because we still really want to bang Michelle Pfeiffer in the the Catwoman outfit.

10) Other Things “The Bat Cave” Could Refer To. We’re sure there are some non-sexual references out there but we can’t think of any.

10 Batman Lists That Should Be Made (But Probably Won’t Be)

1) Reasons It’s OK for Bruce Wayne to Be into Hookers. He’s not paying for sex, he’s paying for them to leave.

2) Ways Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Anti-Hotness Could Ruin The Dark Knight. They might as well have casted Jake in a wig for this role.

3) Real Life Places Christian Bale Uses His Creepy Batman Voice. Children’s hospital and girlfriend’s bedroom for starters.

4) Nipples and the Bat Suit: A Photo Essay.

5) Final Roles Heath Ledger Could Have Taken That Would Have Ruined His Legacy. The Brokeback sequel and a cameo in The Love Guru are easy pickings.

6) Ranking Batman Actors by In-the-Closet Potential. Bale, Keaton, Clooney, Kilmer, West. That easy.

7) What If Chris Nolan Had Cast Brendan Fraser to Play Batman?

8 ) Reasons the Riddler Is the All-Time Gayest Villain. His affinity for spandex and track lighting come to mind.

9) Seedy Ways Batman Passes the Time on Slow Nights in Gotham. You can only wander the streets so many hours in a row before you end up taking in a peep show.

10) 21 Reasons Robin Is a Cock Block.

Batman Lists (And Videos) That Already Exist and Don’t Suck

15 Defining Moments of the Batman Franchise. [TV Guide via Gorilla Mask]

5 Reasons Christian Bale Is the Best Batman Ever. [Double Viking]

The Dark Knight as Written by Michael Bay. [Spill via Film Drunk]

Dark Knight Trailer Spoof. [Break]

Batman vs. Batman vs. Batman Video. [Cracked]

We’re sure there are more to come.

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