• “Look how slow they’re throwing the ball! This is SOOOOOO easy. You’d have to suck not to hit a home run every time.”

• “That Berkman guy will definitely win, right? Don’t fat guys always win?”

• “Were you joking when you said A-Rod isn’t participating because he’s spotting Madonna at the gym?”

• “Why don’t they use the net in front of the pitcher in real games? Wouldn’t that be a lot safer?”

• “Omigod. Look at all those guidos in the stands. As much as I love shopping in New York I am SOOO glad we don’t live there.”

• “You haven’t switched over to E! once like you said you would.”

• “Why don’t players just hit home runs every time? Wouldn’t that be a lot easier?”

• “His last name isn’t really Uggla is it? I wouldn’t take your last name if it was Uggla.”

• “So you’re really telling me you couldn’t do this? I thought you said you were good at sports.”

• “Were you saying Hamilton ‘loves the coke’ or ‘loved the coke’?”

• “Where’s Jeter? I thought you said he’d be there.”

• “There’s another round?! Why? Enough people aren’t asleep?!”

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