Sorry, we have to.

Luckily for you though we have no interest in lamely debating Brett Favre and the Packers. At this point you can wander over to the nearest Vietnamese nail salon and hear that debate. No, we want to bitch about something that we’re more bullshit over than Favre outing himself as whiny narcissist and the Packers doing their best Isiah Thomas impersonation. We want to bitch about ESPN’s unapologetic jocksniffing when it comes to Favre and his legacy.

We’re well versed in the ongoing feud between the mainstream media and the sports blogosphere (we’ve never really given a shit, but we’re still well versed). The primary argument by the blogosphere is that mainstream media has evolved to the point where its members have their own version of celebrity and are for the most part incapable of identifying with the everyday sports fan. It’s a pretty solid argument in a lot of cases, but never has it been more evident than in ESPN’s kit glove handling of the “Favre Legacy” debate.

If we hear one more asshole from the four letter use the Montana and the Chiefs, Namath and the Rams, or Jordan and the Wizards comparison when it comes to Favre and how the public will remember him we’re going to start getting our television sports fix from The Best Damn Sports Show. That’s a fucking promise. We have the will power to make ourselves take John Salley seriously.

Montana. And. Favre. Are. Not. A. Fucking. Thing. Alike. Sure, it was weird for Montana to play for the Chiefs, but we don’t remember the part where he spent three years jerking everyone around to see how much he could get people to talk about how awesome he is. Comparing Montana and Favre is the biggest GD cop out ever. We’re yet to hear a talking head even remotely insinuate that Favre is a self indulgent asshole. How can none of them acknowledge that he started pulling a Chad Johnson before people even knew what pulling a Chad Johnson was? This Favre retirement shit has been going on since 2005! Chad Johnson has only been an insufferable prick since 2007!

This week we heard Scott Van Pelt — currently last place in our ESPN sellout rankings — say on the radio that none of what’s currently going on is going to have any affect on the way people view Favre in the future. He even made the Montana comparison. We just about plowed our SUV through a Smart Car. We respect the shit out of Van Pelt for his ability to not make us hate him, but man is he wrong about this. Brett Favre was Captain Fucking America five years ago. He might as well have been the guy who knocked out Ivan Drago. We vividly remember a buddy taking a poll in 2004 asking what was more American, Favre or apple pie? Favre won in a landslide.

If Van Pelt doesn’t think whining like a bitch to Greta Van Susteren has swayed some votes towards apple pie he’s got another thing coming. There’s a reason no one likes indecisiveness. There’s a reason people who talk about how unfairly they’ve been treated are the least respected people on the planet. Favre’s priorities are in this order:

1. Hearing name on ESPN.
2. Reading name in headlines.
3. Being told he’s wanted.
4. Playing football if he’s wanted.

We’re never looking, thinking, or writing about Favre the same ever again. To try and convince us otherwise is pointless. Sports legacies aren’t untarnishable when you spend multiple years of your playing career putting your narcissism first. And the average intelligent sports fan has put that together.

OK, now that we feel better we’d like to suggest you watch this old Mastercard commercial. It won’t piss you off, we swear.

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Chris Henry Is Broke
• Mario Lopez and the Three Different Ways to Suck
• Five Reasons Hank Steinbrenner Sucks
• Hulk Hogan Cheapens Our Childhood
• Rick Dutrow and His Quest to Ruin the Triple Crown for Us

Punch in the Face Friday is our weekly rant about people who sucked the most in the given week. Click here to check out the PITFF archives.