99.9% of straight guys who step foot into a theater this weekend will see The Dark Knight, but as hard as it is to believe a handful will see Mamma Mia. Mainly these guys…

Desperately Wants a Girlfriend Guy - All his single buddies are suddenly his married buddies. He’s willing to do any and all things necessary to make the chick he’s dating “the one”. He has already become a vegan and helped her move apartments, skipping Batman for some singing and dancing is a walk in the park.

Thoroughly Defeated Married Guy - His spirit broken years ago, his only motivation is to not make things worse. Has learned the hard way that the past of least resistance is only path worth taking.

Anything to Get Laid Guy - Conquests are about quantity, not quality. He’s already prepared his “I can’t talk Batman into anal” defense for why he sat through 90 minutes of ABBA songs.

Performing Arts Guy - Headlined every play in high school and college. Owns Moulin Rouge and Chicago on DVD. You don’t know him, but oddly enough he exists.

Still Lives with His Mom Guy - She makes the calls on his wardrobe and his social calendar.

In the Closet Guy - Relatives go into every holiday expecting him to out himself.

Better Person Than You Are Guy - Him going to see Mamma Mia involves someone having cancer.

The Country Club Gigolo - Fulfilling the fantasies of sixty year-old widows and divorcees at the affordable rate of $300 an hour.

Pierce Brosnan - Let’s all face it, Goldeneye is never going to be the same again.

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• 2008 Superhero All-Stars
• Batman Lists That Should Be Made
• 10 Coolest & Bizarre Batman Mods
• Dark Knight Trailer Done With Legos

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