Yesterday we mentioned Carson Palmer’s recent comments on a Los Angeles radio show with regards to his dislike for all things Ohio State. In under thirty seconds Palmer managed to trash the Buckeye program, their fans, Jim Tressel, sweater vests, and the ‘Shoe. It was pretty spectacular.

I found his sentiments especially awesome, not because I hate Ohio State fans (I only marginally dislike the few I know), but because Carson has brought to light a dilemma that far too many of us deal with on a day-to-day basis. I’ve coined it The Carson Palmer Predicament. It takes place when you live in an area of the country that rabidly supports a certain college football program that is not the college football program you support. It’s a tortuous existence that sucks the life out of too many good men.

I — for example — live in Atlanta. Dawg Country. And while I had nothing but indifference towards Georgia fans prior to living in Georgia, today I debate stabbing one on a weekly basis. Why? Because they’re everywhere. And they have safety in numbers, which means the societal checks and balances that normally prevent overabundant arrogance no longer applies in this homogeneous environment. People with moronic opinions are way too comfortable in sharing them. It makes things like the newspaper and sports radio constant points of irritation for the few of us who support anyone outside of the local team. It’s kind of like being part of a rebel faction where you can only speak freely in the company of other rebels.

I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know an NFL quarterback shares my pain. Now whenever someone questions my anti-Bulldog sentiments I can be like, “Listen, it’s not that I would have anything against Georgia if I lived in, say, Wyoming. It’s just that I’m suffering from CPP. You know, the Carson Palmer Predicament. There’s not a whole lot I can do about it.” I’m positive I’ll garner the same satisfaction fat people do when they tell family members their overeating is a disease.

In the end though, CPP is just another reflection of why college football is the greatest thing going in sports. It’s one of the few forms of imperialism we have left so the passion is palpable. And unfortunately for dudes like me and Carson who live behind enemy lines we have to deal with the repercussions.

Previous Relevant Irrelevance:

• Making a Case for Hugh Hefner’s Death
• HGH and the Genius That Is Stallone
• The Tom Cruise Effect
• An Open Invitation to Fight Justin Timberlake
• The “Saving Private Ryan” Effect

Relevant Irrelevance is Maske’s regular column dedicated to passing judgment and/or formulating theories on just about anything trivial.

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