This week marks the light at the end of the tunnel for tortured College Football Fan. Sure, he’s still a month away from live game play but — with day-to-day practice reports and morning injury avoidance prayers — August camp is when he officially comes up for air. Summer just about suffocated him.

The real question is how he made it this far. Here are eight ways:

1) Recruiting - CFB Fan isn’t proud of the number of hours he’s logged watching high school game tape or the weekend he spent sweating out a 17 year-old kid’s visit to his rival’s campus, but time did elapse with him not wanting to punch someone. There’s something to be said for that.

2) Message Boards - CFB Fan burned through a Tuesday in June debating who will be starting at right guard five games into the season. And he didn’t start drinking until 3PM one Saturday in July because he spent the day trying to determine just how “plugged in” a guy claiming a new away uniform color variation really is.

3) Preseason Magazines - At this point CFB Fan isn’t sure he even remembers how to take a shit without Phil Steele in his hands.

4) Workout Photo Galleries - CFB Fan felt kind of like a two dollar bill every time he perused the summer voluntary workout galleries, but he had to make sure the incoming freshman had been training on their own during the offseason. Nothing gay about physical fitness.

5) The Futures Market - CFB Fan has $100 on his team to win the National Championship (20 -1), their conference championship (6-1), and for his quarterback, running back, and wide receiver to win the Heisman (30-1, 50-1, and 150-1, respectively). Three words: Cha. Fucking. Ching!

6) NCAA 2009 - CFB Fan has played his team’s season twelve separate times, and each simulation has one thing in common: THEY DON’T LOSE. Do the people of EA have some knowledge the AP voters don’t? You bet your ass they do.

7) The Arrest Blotter - Prior to this week’s transition to injury avoidance, CFB Fan’s morning prayers focused on arrest avoidance.

8 ) Alcohol - The patron saint of CFB Fan making it through the summer. If we were ranking these items, booze would have numero uno squarely locked up.

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