Do hookers play sick man defense? Not that we’re aware of.

One of our favorite stories rumors to emerge this weekend comes from a Chinese tabloid that claims certain members of Team USA really enjoy Asian prostitutes. And why wouldn’t they? There’s a lot to like.

• They don’t speak English.
• They go away once you pay them.
• They live on another continent in a country you’ll never visit again.
• They don’t have ulterior groupie motives.
• They come with a massage.

So while this report is almost certainly fabricated by Chinese tabloids attempting to feed on anti-American sentiments, you can kind of see the appeal of foreign working girls to dudes like Lebron, Carmelo, and D-Wade. All we really want to know is if Coach K gets in on the action. And what about the Fencing team? Besides that the story is just funny.

Unless, of course, we bring home the bronze. Then those losers can anticipate happy ending heckles for the rest of their careers, including bonus Star Jones one-liners for Wade.

[Source: Black Sports Online via Deadspin]

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